Just. Say. No.

{ this post is part of the desire map series // you are invited }

Part of me has always believed it, but not until the last couple years have I really really let it sink into my core: When you finally get the courage to state an intention, the Universe will flood your awareness with resources that support you. As Danielle LaPorte says in The Desire Map, "Your desire is a prayer." It all goes back to the energy of manifesting and all that hippie Hay House stuff, right? I've come to realize, with awe, the sheer precision and specificity of the Universe in delivering these resources. It can be in response to an epic dream or a cautious whisper, but it will be answered with a flood of resources to support you.

For example, in the somewhat-cautious-whisper category: I've been meditating a lot recently on the liberation of saying no. Creating a do-not-do list is empowering and revolutionary, for me anyway. I'm in a situation right now that cannot immediately change, even though I want it to change with every ounce of my being. I'm seeking ways to change myself within the structure that exists. For now. My ultimate plan is to bust wide out and never look back, but for now, a series of shifts.

If you also have trouble standing strong in a firm no, for whatever reason, consider this your permission (she also says to herself). In a brilliant confluence, I realize that as I get deeper into my Core Desired Feelings and deeper into a commitment to make those feelings a reality every day...I have to be very clear on what I say yes and no to. This ability to refine my commitments, and even my perspective on my commitments, is helping me change within that for-now structure.

"An inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy. People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives."

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence.

In addition to what feels like a thousand photos and serendipitous article links on this very theme flooding my Facebook and Twitter feeds, two particular resources have come at just. the. right. time. It's these two resources that I want to share with you: a blog post from traveler/author Kim Dinan and a recently reprised post from Danielle. Kim talks about how we can decide whether to say yes or no, and Danielle talks about admitting when something sucks. From that foundation of "this sucks" - start saying no and fix it. She writes: "You're smart to see it. You're brilliant if you move on." Preach.


I'd love to hear about your experiences. Do you have difficulty saying no, particularly to anything that you perceive as "the responsible thing" to do? Has working through your Core Desired Feelings had this same effect on you, a refiner's fire of saying no?

Love, 
me

Postcrossing: Penpals from all over the globe

Postcards are so romantic. Stamps displaying unfamiliar languages, tattered edges from a journey across the world, sentiments bare for anyone to read. Someone halfway around the world thought of you, for even a moment, and wrote a note with pen in hand.

Listen, I instagram like crazy. It's a virtual postcard of your adventures at home and abroad. Also, I happen to believe, from the perspective of an artist and a community organizer, it's one of the most profound apps to be invented in recent history. However, I'm just old enough to know there's nothing quite like the nostalgia of receiving handwritten mail.

I've turned a few friends on to Postcrossing over the years and my annual stats report reminded me to once again praise them from the rooftops. It's free. It's fun. It is also, for me, a subtle way to keep the energy of wanderlust flowing constantly through my life. If you want to get started, it's as simple as creating a profile with as much or as little information as you want to share. Your address is private until Postcrossing matches you with a sender. You will also become a sender and receive addresses for people to whom you'll send postcards. The postcard exchange is a one-time deal, unless you decide to approach someone about becoming regular penpals (or you accept someone's offer to you). I prefer the one-time approach and find it's what I have time for in my life right now. Simple.

My mailbox looked like this in 2013:

Love and mail worth reading, 

me

Where To Travel in 2014: A Roundup

'Tis the month for lists. We know this. They're everywhere. Every blog post you see starts with a number, then proceeds to tell you what you simply cannot live without. Well, for those of us who simply cannot live without travel, I rounded up my favorite "to see in 2014" lists.

Luxuriate in the possibilities, the wish lists, the wanderlust. 

An experiential travel guide, and one of the coolest travel planning apps ever, AFAR proposes the following destinations...

Uruguay? Awesome. Iceland? Why not? Travel + Leisure thinks you should make your way to these 27 locations....

In stunning full-screen photo format, The New York Times proposes 52 locations that are must-sees. And they would know. I mean, right? Don't we all dream of posh Manhattan dinner parties at which, after being regaled with Roberto's adventures, our assistant books our flight to New Caldonia straight away?

The Guardian weighs in with a top 40 list. Also, holiday. Can we all agree to discontinue use of the word "vacation" in favor of taking holidays? Okay, cool.

Rwanda. Argentina. National Geographic even thinks it's time we explore Iraq. I'm down.

Top 10 cities, top 10 countries, top 10 regions, and sights to make you feel small. Lonely Planet knows what they're talking about.

This roundup could be endless, but we'll pause the inspiration here. Where are you traveling this year?

Love and frequent flier miles,
me

Happiness 2.0: Building a community

Yesterday I posted on The Desire Map facebook page, sharing the books my friends and I are reading as part of our 2014 Happiness Project. The response from people wanting to participate has been awesome. I'm thrilled to meet so many new people and to welcome you to this adventure.

So...welcome! I'm happy you're here. 

There were a number of questions as to how this works and what it actually looks like. No problem, let me explain. Right now, all over the world, desire mappers are meeting in person and virtually, using Google hangouts and Skype. This book group model is amazing and I admire the connectivity and commitment. The Happiness Project, however, is a different sort of commitment.

The shortest way to explain it: 
Leave comments on the blog posts that discuss our Happiness Project books, and reply to the comments that others have posted. Every post on this site is also shared on the A Series of Adventures Facebook page, so you can also read and interact there.

The long(er) version:
This is an invitation to build a tribe, to engage with like-minded people. If you're looking for a sense of community, if you're searching for people who are also searching, you've found them. I don't know about you, but I love to bookmark and subscribe to blogs that build community and resonate with the direction I'm taking my life. I enjoy meeting new people, but most of all, I enjoy having conversations that matter. I love engaging in the comment section of these blogs, both with the author of the post and with other people who have commented. It's a small, quick, easy action to take...but over time it compounds into something really beautiful. Trust that.

One of my core desired feelings (speaking of Desire Map) is open to magic. That phrase is actually my 'power word' for 2014, so it is the ultimate core desired feeling right now. The 2013 Happiness Project group (which I talk about here) was transformative, for both me and my friends who participated. It was a powerful year, full of clear intentions and significant changes. Having a supportive community of people made all the difference. So, to honor my desire to be open to magic, I'm opening the circle. I'm trusting in the magic that happens when we engage with people who are focused on the same themes and issues.

Does that help clarify? Summary: Leave comments and get to know each other, both on this site and on facebook. It's low key, just a tribe of seekers who will support each other in making 2014 amazing. We can start right now with our first round of comments. Are you open to it?

Post an introduction below and let us know who you are. We're excited to meet you. 

What we get out of an experience is equal to the amount of energy and intention we put in to the experience.

P.S. Housekeeping note: This site is not entirely dedicated to the Happiness Project book series. You can read more about the mission of the site in the { love, me } section above. In short, I'm an administrator in higher ed by day, a storyteller and creative old soul in real life. I view every inch of life as an adventure and I curate my life into a series of memorable ones. This site is dedicated to pursuits that bring me joy: globetrotting, photography, and sundry feats of creativity. I also post about books I’m reading (obviously), my research into my Danish family history, mindfulness and other such hippie dippieness. Click if you’d like to explore my writing by category(ish).

Cheers to adventure!

Love and books books books,
me

Happiness 2.0: Digging Deep in 2014

Those of you who've read this blog for a while know that throughout 2013 I embarked on The Happiness Project. I was poolside in Hawai'i in November 2012, reading Gretchen Rubin's book, and some combination of twelve short chapters and the aloha spirit inspired me to host a monthly brunch slash book club. We gathered. We ate. We cried. We talked. We set goals. We succeeded and failed. We supported each other. We decided Gretchen was lame. I don't want to spread negative juju on this site, but it will suffice to say that we find her text self-absorbed, ethnocentric, lacking in research, and soulless. A missed opportunity, in sum. That might actually be a whole lot of negative juju, but we won't dwell. The point is we used it as a springboard. We made it to the end of the year and knew this group needed to continue.

Enter 2014. Happiness, version 2.0. The Advanced Placement class. Digging deep. However you cut it, we've long ago graduated from Gretchen and shit's gettin' real in here.

Below is the list of texts we're tackling this year. If you would like to read along, please do. I will post on this site throughout the year, sharing ah-ha moments and inspiration from our monthly discussions. If you're reading with us, jump into the comment section. I'd love to hear from you.

Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map kicks off the year because it will change our entire relationship to goal setting. Foundation: Determine how you want to feel, then start saying "yes" and "no" accordingly. Start setting intentions or goals with that feeling in mind. The journey needs to feel the way you want the destination to feel...and feeling good is the primary intention. Bam. Take that, new year's resolutions.

Once we're clear on our core desires, we'll work on breaking down old patterns of thoughts and agreements that hold us back from completely living those desires and becoming pure awesomeness. When I first read Don Miguel Ruiz's Four Agreements eight years ago, it took me all of one sitting and it changed my entire life. These new agreements are so completely fundamental to my worldview at this point, I almost take the revolutionary wisdom for granted. I revisit the book often and cannot wait to do it with this crowd.

Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages is an important tool for self-discovery, but also a powerful insight into our friends, family, lovers, bosses. Our core desired feelings are now governing our decisions, the four agreements are shaping a healthy experience of ourself and others, so let's move on to loving each other, shall we? Let's love each other well, and in the way we want to be loved. All of that. Yes.

Halftime. Gut check. Regroup, reflect, recommit. Go deeper. Brene Brown's Daring Greatly is about embracing vulnerability as a courageous act. {gulp} Vulnerability. {ugh} Not my thing. These middle months are going to kick my ass. I'm up for it, but for the record, my palms are already sweating. If we're going to truly absorb all we've learned to this point in the year, and if we're going to truly own it as the new normal for our lives (when it's not the norm for the world around us), it's going to take vulnerability and a whole heap of courage.

I've written about Jen Sincero's You are a Badass before. I read it last year, or to be more accurate, I devoured it. It's so crazy good. Show up. Own it. Take up space in the world. Change your frequency. Dump the chump. Make it happen. Get over yourself and do it already. Yes, this is the perfect way to wind down the year and wind up our lives.

Kim Dinan is my spirit animal. She was in her early 30s, working as an LCSW in Portland, when she and her husband Brian decided to save their pennies, quit their jobs, and travel the world (i.e. my dream). I haven't written yet about Kim Dinan's Life on Fire, but I will soon. I read it in three spinning sessions at the gym and knew instantly it would be huge for me; hence, closing this awesome year with everyone experiencing it. It's part text, part workbook. After all this introspection and soul searching, we'll end 2014 with a plan, man. A plan for a life on fire.

There you have it. Let's rock it out. 2014 is the year, folks. Join us...

...consider this your virtual invitation into my home and into these conversations.

Love and pure awesomeness,
me