A word on clarity, declarations, and the power of your voice (part two)

This is the second half of a two-part post. Click to read the first installment, in which I talk about the relationship between clear declarations and living the life you want to live.

Diagnosis: Hashimoto’s Hypothyroiditis. 

The butterfly-shaped thyroid gland in the front of our throat regulates metabolism and energy. I recently learned my body is home to an autoimmune disease that has shut down my thyroid. Furthermore, my immune system creates antibodies to attack my thyroid when it tries to turn back on. There is no cure. It doesn’t go away. There is only lifelong management, daily medication, and a new normal. I don't feel qualified to discuss the medical details of the disease, I’m still reeling and researching, I’m simply here to thank The Universe for the lessons my new reality is teaching me.

By not expressing my fully authentic voice, I was slowly killing myself. Literally and spiritually.

The task The Universe has lovingly handed to me is one of reconciliation with my own voice. The need for this healing sits literally in my diseased thyroid / throat, and sits spiritually in the expression of my fully authentic voice. The metaphysical correlation between the two is real and it's urgent. I felt that correlation wash over me the instant the fourth specialist I'd visited looked up from my seventh round of lab results and said, "Hashimoto's Hypothyroiditis," touching her throat.

I show distrust of my authentic voice whenever I live by rules I didn't create for myself. I neglect my authentic voice when I say yes but feel no. I disrespect my authentic voice when I strive to align my life with people's opinions of who I should be. I abuse my authentic voice when I numb out in any number of unhealthy ways and mask shame with meticulously curated perfectionism. In true perfectionist fashion, I've absolutely mastered all of it. I've carried on for decades.

The disease is genetically inherited (my mom was diagnosed one month before I was), but what I need to forgive is the fact that I am still responsible for much of what fed this disease for years prior to my diagnosis. I've built a successful career in higher education in which I use my voice all day every day; a voice that is intelligent and insightful, expert even. I was traveling and consulting nationally, keynoting conferences in packed hotel ballrooms when I was 24 years old. I completed a Master's degree on my own time and dime, and became a department head by age 27 because I wanted to lend my voice to big visions and change the system. I worked 60-hour weeks for a decade straight because I was driven, obsessive compulsive, and mistakenly thought I could handle it. I've stood my ground and ended relationships with the anemic religion of my youth and the disrespectful men of my twenties. No one who knows me would accuse me of being passive; but while I can cite all that active expression in my life, what I need to forgive myself for is simultaneously frying my adrenals, destroying what little thyroid I had, ignoring my body's requests to slow down, and pushing aside my fully authentic voice, telling her "someday."

No more someday. Now.

My authentic voice is now clear about the life I actually want to live. My authentic voice has unapologetically declared my intention to quit my job and travel the world. My authentic voice knows that living the life I want to live is not irresponsible, it's not selfish, it's not naive or shortsighted. It's brave. Period. My authentic voice knows the work that needs to be done is really fucking hard and really fucking scary. I don't know what it looks like to not have a full-time job providing my salary and health insurance. I don't know what it looks like to travel the world with an autoimmune disease that requires specific medications and treatments. I don't know how my body will react to the piles of new prescriptions pumping through her right now. I just don't know.

But here's the magic of speaking from my fully authentic voice: I don't need to know. 

The Universe is welcoming me with open arms, thrilled that I've made it this far. I can feel it with every chronically fatigued, shaky cell in my body. She'll take care of it. I will live my way into the answers. I will make this path by walking. My new mantra is what Jen Sincero writes in You Are A Badass: "Your job isn't to know The How, it's to know The What." I am crystal clear on my What. My declaration is made. It's happening. Living my way into The How is now my co-creative tango with The Universe.

Don’t you cry for the lost. Smile for the living. Get what you need and give what you’re given. You know life's for the living so live it, or you’re better off dead. (listen to Passenger sing one of my favorite songs)  

Love and lots of healing,
me

A word on clarity, declarations, and the power of your voice (part one)

I've been in a declarative mood as of late. Perhaps it was the sun in Leo's lion providing vicarious courage. Perhaps it's Mars in Scorpio, forcing a warrior spirit to wrestle everything into the light. Perhaps it's the culmination of years of quiet dreaming finally overflowing its threshold. Perhaps I'm now crystal clear about how I do and do not want to spend my life. Most likely it's all of the above in a perfect storm. Declaring to myself and others that I plan to eventually quit my job and travel the world is scary and exhilarating. It's also a game changer, the declaration alone. I've learned a few things, deep deep down in my bones learned, since making that declaration. Namely:

Declare. Do the hard work that clarity requires...then declare the shit out of your dreams. 

Danielle LaPorte is my spirit animal. The Desire Map is without a doubt the most radical paradigm shift I've ever experienced. I was raised in an organized religion, left of my own accord in my early twenties, spent a decade rebuilding a worldview on my own terms; and yet not even that paradigm shift compares to The Desire Map blowing my world wide open.

Every creation the world has ever known, from a lightbulb to wheels to the Mona Lisa, began with a desire of some kind. Likewise, everything you want to create in your life begins with a desire. Every desire must be defined and clarified and refined and seared into a new way of life, a daily practice. It's not casual wanting, or listless hoping that some day something will happen. It's active. This desire is a living thing. It defines you as you're defining it. You're co-creating with The Universe. Woah. Dude, I know.

The reason you need to be crystal clear about your desires is because...

The Universe not only pays attention to your desires, she wants all of it for you as much as you want it for yourself. Probably more. 

I wrote about the energy that shifted the moment I declared that I plan to eventually quit my job and travel the world. What I mean by "shifting energy" is that since making that declaration, it's all I can do to simply keep up with The Universe. She was waiting. Patiently. For years. She knew this was coming. She hoped I'd get here. She hoped I'd be courageous enough to realize admit this is what I want need. By the time I did finally catch up and own the full declaration of it all, she came flooding in. I can actually hear her sigh of relief, "Yes...this. It's so time for this. You have no idea the degree of awesomeness that's about to overtake every inch of your life." She's so stoked that I'm dialed in to the possibilities she sees for me. What does that flood look like? Opportunities to travel*, resources to learn and grow and keep my vibration high**, a serious medical diagnosis that's a terrifying blessing in disguise***, abundant support from strangers as well as friends, financial avenues that three weeks ago I didn't know even existed, and the deep satisfaction of knowing that I nailed it. I'm aligned. I'm in the zone. There's no going back now. Had I not been crystal clear with my desires, I could have and would have pursued any number of paths that might be fine, but not this right.

I'll be back soon with part two of this post, re: the correlation between my diagnosis and the power of our voice. I'll bring a lot of love (both gentle and tough) and permission with me. Stay tuned. Until then, wise words from author and civil rights leader Howard Thurman:

Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Love and desire,
me


* Exciting news about the next step in my travel writing career coming soon. 
** I'll share these resources in a separate post coming soon.
*** I'll practice what I preach and speak with courage about my diagnosis in part two of this post.

Staying Motivated in the Pursuit of Epic Dreams

"I asked myself, can you do this? I answered, I will try. So I'm curious if I can. If I make it, I'll know I can. I've crossed a boundary." - Laura Dekker, sailor

I recently took a leap of faith. I made public my plans to turn a dream of RTW travel into a reality. I felt the energy shift immediately: The new get-specific phase is distinctly different from the wishing-and-hoping phase. Even though long-term travel is basically all I think about, I'm a realist who knows it will be difficult to successfully maintain my stressful full-time career, save enough money to travel for at least one year, and have sufficient energy reserves to dedicate to planning and to this website. Not even 24 hours after my post went live, it's like long-term traveler Matt Kepnes (aka Nomadic Matt) read my mind. He published an article on his site about staying motivated to travel. Okay, Universe, I'm paying attention. In summary, Matt's seven ways to keep motivation high:

Hold yourself accountable. Research places to go. Devote time. Read travel blogs. Read books. Learn a language. Take a break. 

To his list, I would add a tactic similar to blogs and books: Movies. Specifically travel documentaries. The films can be about places you want to visit, experiences you want to have, or simply about inspiring people who make you realize you want it all so bad you can barely breathe. I recently watched two travel docs on Netflix that I highly recommend.

180° South is about a group of climbers and surfers who have a goal to conquer specific mountains in Patagonia. The journey to Patagonia (by sailboat) is as epic as the time spent adventuring with the founders of Conservacion Patagonica once they arrive. The moment that resonated to my core: "If I don't get on that boat, I know exactly what I'm going home to. If I do, my future is unwritten." The film is beautifully made, the narration is thought provoking, and the men are wicked hot. If beards and adventure and pristine landscapes and travel are your thing, enjoy. You're welcome.




The second film is Maidentrip. Laura Dekker was all of 13 years old when she began her plans to circumnavigate the globe in a sailboat. Solo. No follow boat. No support team. Simply put, "I want to travel the world. I want to see all the places, not always the same stupid thing. In Holland you get money, a car, a house, kids, and then you die. I don't want any of it." Many may consider her a rebellious teenager, and there are obviously elements of that spirit, but I consider her a highly self-actualized human being. I cannot tell you how inspired I am by Laura. She filmed the entire trip, which took 519 days and covered 27,000 nautical miles, and turned it into a documentary feature.

I can't say it more perfectly than 16 year old Laura did at the end of the film: "I wanted the storms. I wanted the calm. I wanted to feel loneliness. I wanted to know what it felt like to be the sea. Now I know. It was an end of the dream I had as a kid and it's the beginning of my life as a sailor."

Laura Dekker remains the youngest person ever to solo circumnavigate the globe in a sailboat.

Another line from 180° South that struck a cord: The best journeys answer questions that in the beginning, you didn't think to ask.

Love, motivation, and staying open to magic,
me

RTW Adventure. Yes, I said it.

It's time. I've flirted with this long enough. Anyone who has known me longer than three minutes knows my life's passion is travel. I'm at my best when I'm in motion. I'm also passionate about writing, photography, and building communities. As Danielle LaPorte declares, it's time for me to:

Push. Turn up the volume. Go hard. Go harder. Re-prioritize your aches and pains. Infuse your sensitivities with courage. Tell fear to fuck right the fuck off. Devote to Done. Decide to be one of those people who pull it off.

What am I going to pull off? An around-the-world adventure (RTW in internet speak). I've talked about long-term travel for years, but not until very recently have I really let it sink really deep down in my soul, letting it rest in the place where I really know I really need to pull it off. Not even just want to pull it off at this point, because we're passed that. Need to pull it off. Full on need. There was a distinct moment when it all shifted. A moment when I realized that the fear of not doing something, the fear of regret, overpowered the fear of doing that thing. This is that moment. A RTW adventure is that thing. Writing and photographing and inspiring other people to take the leap is also a part of it. 

Up to now I've said this out loud to only a few kindred souls. The most common, well-intentioned question: What about money and your career? My answer is two fold: 1) I'm saving my pennies and becoming BFFs with an abundant universe; and 2) Institutions of higher education will be here when I get back. My resume will be here when I get back. In fact, speaking of my career in higher ed, I'm framing this adventure as a sabbatical. Granted it's a sabbatical that I fund entirely on my own and must quit my job to pull off; but that only means I have ultimate freedom over my time and the terms of my travel.

The wish list below is 100% fluid and ever-changing (click for the permanent page link that houses the dynamic list). The point is that there is power in the declaration itself. There is power in being transparent with myself, The Universe, anyone who reads this. The list is messy and unedited. It contradicts and repeats itself. It's a creative flow of energy and it's what I need to keep my momentum going. It will change and change some more and eventually, over time, it will narrow down into plane tickets and Airbnb reservations. As of right now, this is what I dream of most:

Location-based Adventures

I should just type one word and be done: Everywhere. There is no end to this particular list. I must say though, I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I realized all the places I've already been. This list is a continuation of those travels and full of (mostly) brand new adventures I've yet to experience. I realize not all of my bucket list adventures are in my location-based adventures list and vice versa. It's a game of free association and categorizing uncategorizable things. Just go with it. 

Visit every continent

Swim in every ocean

Stand at the North Pole

Stand at the South Pole

A National Geographic Expedition

Scandinavia (especially a family history pilgrimage based on my Danish and Swedish research)

Live in Copenhagen for whatever period of time feels like living and not visiting

Iceland 

Ireland

Japan

Morocco

Spain

Cuba

Canadian Rockies
Australia + New Zealand 

Easter Island - really so many islands in Melanesia, Micronesia, and Polynesia

India 

Bhutan

Nepal

Tibet
Croatia

Turkey

Greece

Patagonia

Transportation Adventures

I'll likely be flying most everywhere I go, but I'd also like to give myself a break from airports.

My own two feet on a pilgrimage (high on my list is the Camino de Santiago)

One of only a few civilians on a cargo ship

Trains (like these + the Darjeeling Himalayan Railway)

Sailboat (possibly as crew)

River cruises

Trans-Atlantic cruise

Lodging Adventures

I love my Hilton points as much as the next business traveler, but it gets a bit sterile after a while.

Airbnb

House sit

Monasteries

Live/Work farms

A glass igloo under the Northern Lights in Finland

Hostels

Conservacion Patagonica

Bucket List Adventures

Random stuff I dream of doing that feels too big and too exciting to be listed as a mere location. These feel more like once-in-a-lifetime experiences. 

Write for The Avid Cruiser as much as possible

As many UNESCO World Heritage sites as I can manage

Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef

Skydive. Somewhere. Anywhere. As long as it's tandem.
At least one night on a private, remote island (I must stop watching The Bachelorette)

Northern Lights

Pyramids of Giza, Egypt

The Great Wall, China
Sleep with an Italian. In Italy. More than once.

Petra, Jordan

Taj Mahal, India

Machu Picchu, Peru

Hot air ballooning in Cappadocia, Turkey

Logistical Considerations

My family traveled around the States a lot when I was young. I was 15 when I went abroad for the first time, with friends, to Russia. I've been exploring the world ever since in one way or another. I know myself as a traveler. I know my patterns. I know what puts me in the flow and makes me feel awesome, and I know what makes me tense and burns me out. 

Balance and alternate city trips with wilderness trips. Go go go then chill chill chill. 

Balance and alternate guided group experiences and getting lost all on my own. 

Balance and alternate luxury and budget experiences, from lodging to transportation to food. 

Balance and alternate solo travel with group travel, be it friends or strangers.

These balances and alternations are very literal, says the introverted Libra. For example: A hostel in the heart of Paris with packed days and colorful nights...then housesitting and grocery shopping in Nowhere, Norway...then a river cruise in China with guided excursions...then an Airbnb in Japan with an invitation to a friend from back home. Like that. 

Also, unplanned windows of time. This makes my palms sweat and I desperately want to color code something to calm myself down, which is exactly why I know I need to do it. For every ellipses you see in the itinerary above, add an undecided length of time filled with random whatever. Maybe it's additional time in the current or the next location. Maybe it's a quick stop somewhere between the two locations. Maybe it's a multiple choice game presented to readers of this site, letting you chose your own adventure with/for me. For real. The goal is space. Time. Allowing. Staying open to the magic of it all. 

Mighty Life List

I'll obviously update this site as I pursue my RTW adventure, but you're also invited to join me on Go Mighty. In fact, I challenge you to create your own Mighty Life List. It will take me a while to fully populate my Mighty Life List, but I kind of like that it's an ongoing process. Check them out! Decide to be one of those people who pull it off.

I'd love to hear from you. Have you tackled a RTW trip? Have you tackled any big dream, really? Let's talk. Let's inspire each other. Let's do this. 

Love and adventure, 

me

Salt Roads Feature: Serial Adventurer

Music. Film. Photography. Art. Fashion. Lifestyle. Event calendar for all things awesome in Salt Lake City. Enter Salt Roads. This innovative cultural aggregator site launched just last week and I was fortunate enough to be featured on their photography beat. Co-founder Sean Crossland interviewed me about travel writing and my insatiable sense of adventure. He asked excellent questions...and a few answers are things that not even long time readers of this blog know about me. Well done, Salt Roads.

Check out the full interview, along with photos from my adventures, on the Salt Roads site.

Q: Tell us a little bit about your background.

A: I was born in Washington state, grew up in Southern California and Utah, and have lived in Salt Lake City for 15 years now. I’ve traveled my whole life and feel most at home when I’m in motion. My first trip abroad was to Russia when I was 15. I remember standing in front of Saint Basil’s cathedral thinking, “This can’t possibly be real. If the world is actually this beautiful, I have to see all of it.” I’ve built a professional career as a college administrator, but I usually follow that statement with a qualifier about my real life as a creative soul, traveler, photographer, and storyteller.

Q: How did you get into travel writing?

A: It’s a tale of total dichotomy. I’m working at it very intentionally now, but rewind a bit and I actually stumbled into it. Technically I’d been doing it for years and years, but I woke up one day and realized…oh, this thing that I do is actually a thing and it’s called travel writing. I’ve been blogging since 2007, and tweeting and instagramming since the moment each platform was released. I’m an inherently communal person and an ethic of shared experiences is hardwired in my DNA. Sharing my travel experiences is simply an extension of my obsession with building and organizing communities. Poet Mary Oliver sums up my mantra perfectly: “Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”

It wasn’t until December 2012, when I was sailing the Danube River eating copious amounts of gingerbread, that I fully and finally realized I needed to do this and only this forever. I met Ralph Grizzle, creator of The Avid Cruiser website, who happened to be on assignment on my ship. It was the perfect storm. I’d been timidly flirting with the idea that my life (and identity, if I’m honest) no longer needed to be defined by a stressful 9-5 j.o.b. I’d been toying with the notion that creativity was no longer a luxury, but a state of being I needed to achieve and maintain daily. He followed me on Instagram and proceeded to challenge me throughout the trip to consider taking what I saw a hobby more seriously. You can read more about our serendipitous meeting here. Fast forward to May 2014 and I’m on assignment for The Avid Cruiser in Alaska, writing daily Live Voyage Reports, and living a dream so surreal it’s still difficult to articulate. I’m currently in hot pursuit of the life of a full-time travel writer. Alaska inshrined the dream and there’s no looking back now.

Q: I know it’s impossible to pick a “favorite trip,” but share one recent memorable experience that stands out for you.

A: I recently spent a week in the Hopi lands in northern Arizona. We were there partially for a cultural immersion and exchange, and partially to serve the different villages and clans in any way they requested. The experience was profound in ways we never could have anticipated (as with all good travel). We cooked dinner in the homes of tribal elders each evening. We were blessed by a shaman in a sunrise ritual involving their sacred white corn. We learned about dry farming and helped a youth group plant seeds for the upcoming season. We sat in the living room of the famous potter Alice Dashee and listened to her tell us about her process, about how the spirit of the clay collaborates with her in the creation of her work. We were invited to a baby naming ceremony and were the only non-Hopi there. I stepped outside to capture a photo of the sun rising over the mesa, not realizing at the same moment that the young mother was walking to the edge to whisper the chosen name of her child. Only the mothers, and Father Sun, ever know the full Hopi name of their children. She caught my eye on her way toward the sunrise and smiled, nodding that I could carry on with my photo. The image of her silhouette against the sun is far and away one of my most beautiful travel memories. We were invited back this July to witness the Home Dance of the sacred Katsinas. We were among only 6 non-Hopi in a crowd of about 4,000. We were up at 4:00am and the first dance started as the sun rose. It was 115 degrees by 10am and he last dance finished after sun down. It was sacred, private, ceremonial, even somber. Absolutely no photos were allowed, so this travel experience will truly live only in my memory.

Q: Traveling as much as you do, you must have had a few bad experiences on the road, too? Care to share?

A: Everything from getting spit on, screamed at, and a machine gun pointed at my head by an angry Russian soldier in St. Petersburg, to sleeping alone overnight on the floor in a completely empty LAX. Of course airlines only lose my luggage when I travel abroad, never domestically where it would be quick and simple to replace everything. Teeny tiny French elevators are not made for Americans and their rolling luggage. Getting stuck in one for hours while the hotel owner is out to lunch qualifies as a near death experience in my book. My hotel in Venice flooded overnight, but that’s par for the course in a city build on pilings in the middle of a lagoon. I’ve shared hostel rooms with some purely insane people in my time and subsequently witnessed more thought-they-were-being-sneaky public sex than I care to admit. The real lesson though: Everything that sucks in the moment is simply a story to share later on. I don’t actually believe in bad travel experiences, I believe that all experiences simply come in varying degrees of awesome.

Q: What’s the one trip you have to make in the next five years? Why is it so important to you?

A: Denmark. No hesitation. My grandpa was born and raised there, coming to the states at age 23 to start a dairy farm and milk delivery business in Iowa. I’m researching my family history and have been for years. I dream of retracing his steps, and generations of steps, through the farms and churches and shores of Viking homeland. I still have all sorts of family there and part of the adventure is finding those people. Every true vagabond soul knows there are places in this world that even though you’ve never been, it’s home. That’s Denmark for me.

Also high on my list, to be the only civilian on a cargo ship delivering mail and fishing supplies to the remote fjords of Norway, to the tiny pristine villages only accessible from the sea. That needs to happen.


Whether you live in Salt Lake City or not, check out the Salt Roads site!

Love,
me

Soulful Travel Preparation: Guest post on Lane Letters

Given our mutual love of travel, it is only appropriate that Christy and I met via Instagram. I was in Alaska on assignment for The Avid Cruiser writing daily Live Voyage Reports about my adventures. I was also attempting to Instagram breathtaking vistas any time a rogue WiFi wave cooperated. Through the magic of the Internet, one click led to another and now strangers on opposite sides of the world are collaborating. Christy actually arranged a series of guests posts on her site, all around the theme of travel and/or living abroad. Check out the whole series!

My article published on Lane Letters is an extended version of what I originally published on The Avid Cruiser.

***

The realm of travel research and preparation is overly stuffed with lists and logistics. I’m guilty of it myself, as are most well-worn travelers. I have bookshelves piled high with guidebooks and endless Evernote files dedicated to locations I’ve either visited or am lusting after. I color code itineraries, read maps for entertainment, and research assorted minutia ad nauseum. I own being a total nerd who revels in trivia. For instance, these facts thrill me to no end: 470 Rhode Islands can fit inside Alaska and 89 percent of Alaska cannot be developed for human habitation. I’ll be spouting those factoids at cocktail parties for years to come. Years. Classic guidebook.

But something is missing. That something is the soul of it all. Quite frankly, the soul of travel can get lost in traditional travel preparation. In thinking about my recent Alaskan experience: What does list and logistic research actually tell me about the people who live in that wild land? What about the people who lived there first? What does a Saturday afternoon in July in Skagway sound like? What do the 200-foot spruces in Ketchikan smell like after the rain? What does salmon taste like when it was caught five minutes ago in the river below the restaurant? As I get older and continue to refine my travel skills, the predictable checklists simply mean less and less to me. It’s akin to the evolution of collecting experiences, not souvenir key chains. I want to experience a place with all five senses, with my soul. Hopefully once I give in to the experience and am seduced by the adventure of it all, I’ll leave with even a fraction of authentic understanding of the place I’ve just been.

If you’re interested in more than arriving, snapping three obligatory wish-you-were-here selfies near three famous monuments, and leaving, how do you prepare to really understand your destination? You selected it for some reason or another, so how do you really dive in and begin to learn about a land, a people, a culture, and the unfamiliar experiences so unique to travel?

Hint: Put the guidebooks down. All the way down, says The Former Guidebook Addict.

To give credit where credit is due, this liberating revelation (an act of permission, really) came to me by way of a creative mentor. Laura Valenti Jelen is a photographer and gallery curator based in Portland, Oregon. She designed and now teaches a series of online photography courses. In a course called Traveling Light, Laura suggests we ignite our artistic creativity in the process of our research. She tells us to immerse ourselves in the poetry, music, visual art, literature, and soul of a place. Listen to Italian opera for two weeks before you venture to Rome. Read heaping doses of Kerouac if you’re planning an epic American road trip, or old mariner’s diaries if you’re ocean bound. Enjoy a Woody Allen movie marathon before you jet off to Manhattan. Watch Ewan McGregor’s documentary about circumnavigating the globe on a motorcycle…just for the delicious wanderlust of it all. Research regional authors and poets who not only call your destination home, but who write about the people, the land, the food. Dive in. Why not? I promise you will experience your final destination in a way you never thought possible.

I dove into three books for my recent trip to Alaska (but one is a now-hypocritical National Geographic coffee table book of stock photos and factoids, so ignore that). While I was sailing the Inside Passage, I read a book of poetry, Cartography of Water, penned by Mark Burwell. His lush descriptions of Alaskan wilderness, coastal rain forests, and isolated frontier life prepared me to at least try and soak in the grandeur of it all. Beyond statistics about annual rainfall, Mark taught me to smell the green. I sailed into Ketchikan at sunrise with these words fresh in my mind:

DREAM ISLAND

At the head of the bay

sits the island,

unreachable and rich as woman.

Knife edge peaks

are fallen slices of the moon

stuck in a hem of spruce.

The island floats

like a fabulous, green galleon

at the edge of the ocean’s dream.

Like the mountain and the spruce,

I join the dreaming.

I taste the salt in the magic,

water nerve. I smell the green.

I touch the cool waist

of the planet.

I also read the memoir of a woman named Miranda Weiss. Miranda and I are more or less the same age. Our suburban childhoods that turned into insatiable desires for adventure connect us beyond the words on the page. Reading about her homesteading adventures in Homer gives me a deep, nearly personal, sense of what life in Alaska feels, smells, tastes, sounds like.

Miranda was 23 when she moved to Alaska with her college boyfriend. She reflects beautifully on her culture shock over the land and people. She opens Tide, Feather, Snow: “Moving to coastal Alaska meant moving to the water life, although I hadn’t known it until I arrived. Nothing is separate from the sea — not the sky, not the land, not a single day, nor my mood. I wasn’t used to this. I wasn’t ready for it.” She continues in the opening passage of chapter two: “Sitting at the edge of the continent, I was completely, terribly, and excitingly alone. I would be retracing the voyage of countless others who had traveled to Alaska before me: gold rushers, early pioneers, thrill-seekers, miners, surveyors, fur hunters, fishermen, law makers, sightseers, and naturalists.” Not only is it more entertaining to read these texts for hours and hours, but they also create a soulful atmosphere of anticipation that guidebooks simply cannot.

Two additional resources I highly recommend are AFAR magazine and their online wanderlists, and Nowhere literary travel magazine. Both approach travel as a narrative, an experience, and something to bring you closer to the authenticity of it all.

May your many adventures be soulful.

Love,
me


Give Lane Letters some love. It's a gorgeous site. Christy's mission statement: Lane Letters is a space for those who live overseas or are redefining 'home,' have insatiable wanderlust, or simply want to learn how to thrive where they are, give back, and make a difference. 

Live + Learn: I Desire Mapped Half the Year Away

{ this post is part of the desire map series // you're invited }

July is nearly over. You guys. July. Is. Nearly. Over. Where did 2014 go? Oh right, I've been out of town until basically now. I'm also convinced the earth is spinning faster, but that's another theory for another day. When I first dove into The Desire Map in January, I intended to post monthly about the process of establishing Core Desired Feelings, trying to live them, how they shift over time. Guess what though...it's like bottling lightning. I've learned that this process cannot be contained or properly explained. It's pure magic. It's sacred. It's fluid and subtle and profound. When it truly becomes a foundational paradigm in your life, it's like trying to explain what salt tastes like.

That having been said, the irony is that I've been using the distinctly quantifiable Desire Map 2014 Day Planner every single day since 01 January. The dichotomy between inexplicable, etherial magic and mapping out every day of your life is a tension I've learned to hold. Robert Fritz refers to this as the work of structural tension. The point is that the daily planning...isn't actually the point. The intention - and the tension between current reality and your desired outcome - is the point. You're raising your frequency because you're intentionally partnering with The Universe to create something that is simultaneously your design and beyond anything you could've imagined. Yes, I just capitalized The Universe. It's a thing. Trust me. I also have a citrine crystal near my laptop as a write this. Also a thing. Google it.

In March I spent a week in the Hopi lands. At a sunrise healing ceremony with an elder shaman I learned about the tradition of offering a prayer of white corn meal to the four directions as the sun peeks up over the mesa. 

In February I morphed my CDFs from a list into a mantra, but even that short statement has shifted over time. "Your desire is a prayer. Be open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and spiritual alignment." Since then I've more fully owned the experience with a shift in accountability: "MY desires are prayers." The mantra is also no longer instructive, but empowered: "I AM open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health..." Even aligning myself spiritually isn't sufficient. I want a direct "source flow" - through me, through me, through me, literal energy flowing through me in cycles from a source I've come to believe in completely. As of July:

My desires are prayers. I am open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and source flow.

In another example of how raising my frequency shifted my perception of what's possible: "Creativity" may soon become "creation." It was originally referencing artistic creativity and the many passion projects I engage in. It's since become about creation in the purest sense of the word. I may create a painting. I may create a blog post. But increasingly so, I may also create a career as a travel writer. That will be a creative way to support myself and spend my days, but the power comes in the fact that if I make it, that will be A Creation in itself. I'm feeling more and more ready to own the fact that a focus on artistic creativity alone was selling myself short. It's time to manifest some serious shit. Alright, The Remainder Of 2014. You and me. Let's do this.

Love and pure desires,
me

Sailing Alaska + Writing for The Avid Cruiser

I met The Avid Cruiser as one should expect to meet him, on a ship in an exotic locale. My friend Kris and I were sailing with Viking River Cruises up the blue Danube, hopping from one fabled Christmas market to the next. Ralph Grizzle and I ended up in the ship's empty dining room at the same time, and proceeded to have a conversation that I've since realized was one of the most powerful catalysts I've ever experienced. Our topics ranged from the casual (work, climate, favorite travel destinations, lost luggage), to the provocative (our love of socialism, creativity, vagabond souls, life in Denmark, and insatiable wanderlust). Near the end of our lunch, I rudely pulled out my iPhone to instagram a beautiful dessert. Naturally. Once the conversation turned to mobile photography, and we connected to each other's Instagram feeds, the flame was officially lit.

Exploring Regensburg, Germany with Kris (left) in 2012

You see, I'd been timidly flirting with the idea that my life (and identity, if I'm honest) no longer needed to be defined by a stressful 9-5 j.o.b. I'd been toying with the notion that creativity was no longer a luxury, but a state of being I needed to achieve and maintain daily. Once I got home I started hosting a monthly brunch + book group dedicated entirely to exploring the concept of happiness. I was starting to say it out loud...  I'd finally admitted to myself the exciting, terrifying, seemingly impossible truth: I'm at my best when I'm in motion. I'm in a state of centered bliss when I'm untethered. I need to travel. It's not an option or a nice thing to do a couple times a year if I can save my pennies and vacation days. It's a profound ache that hash tagging "wanderlust" on a few Facebook photos doesn't begin to satiate.

Enter one of the most successful digital nomads I've ever met. Ralph had no idea he was changing my life.

He questioned me a number of times throughout the trip: "Why don't you do this professionally?" And "These photos are legitimately good. This is something you could pursue." And "Tell me where you work again? Why?" And eventually "I'm happy to help you make contact with..."

Almost 18 months and hundreds of gmails later, I'm sailing to Alaska courtesy of Princess Cruises, writing and photographing my adventures for Ralph's Avid Cruiser Live Voyage Report website. I don't need to wax poetic about dreams coming true - it feels indulgent - but do let me say this once: This opportunity is, in the most literal sense, a dream coming true. I am profoundly grateful.

So here we go! Alaska. America's last great frontier. On 05/22/2014 I set out from San Francisco and you'll be able to follow the adventure every night as I post on the Live Voyage Report website (bookmark it now). You can also follow the adventures in real time on my Instagram and Twitter feeds. In the meantime, drool with me over this Alaska Pinterest board curated by Princess Cruises. I mean, seriously.

Love,
me

Banner created by Aaron Saunders, creator of From the Deck Chair, and co-creator of + contributor to Avid Cruiser's LVR.

Live + Learn: My first full month of practicing The Desire Map

{ this post is part of the desire map series // you're invited }

I wrapped up my first full month of daily Desire Map practice. I reworked my core desired feelings a number of times before January even started, but I think I still need to fine tune them even more. I can't shake the sense that the words I chose aren't yet reaching their most powerful, evocative depth. For February I decided to use my 2014 power word (OPEN) as an umbrella for my CDFs. I'm also changing my CDFs from a static list of words into a mantra:

"Your desire is a prayer. Be open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and spiritual alignment."

About two weeks into January I also learned a powerful lesson about the paradox and conflict between my some of my CDFs, and how to stay focused on the long game. I made decisions that I felt would manifest abundance and freedom, but I ended up moving so far away from health and spiritual alignment that it wasn't worth it. I was temporarily free and I felt an abundance of time and space, but the aftermath of my choices actually made me physically ill. In turn, that made me upset and disappointed that I probably knew better and still made the wrong decision. My core, my aligned and balanced core, was way off kilter. It's going to take time and a lot of practice to understand which choices are completely true to the long range intentions of my CDFs. Live and learn.

What lessons have you learned in trying to live your CDFs every day? 

Love and the long game,
me

Just. Say. No.

{ this post is part of the desire map series // you are invited }

Part of me has always believed it, but not until the last couple years have I really really let it sink into my core: When you finally get the courage to state an intention, the Universe will flood your awareness with resources that support you. As Danielle LaPorte says in The Desire Map, "Your desire is a prayer." It all goes back to the energy of manifesting and all that hippie Hay House stuff, right? I've come to realize, with awe, the sheer precision and specificity of the Universe in delivering these resources. It can be in response to an epic dream or a cautious whisper, but it will be answered with a flood of resources to support you.

For example, in the somewhat-cautious-whisper category: I've been meditating a lot recently on the liberation of saying no. Creating a do-not-do list is empowering and revolutionary, for me anyway. I'm in a situation right now that cannot immediately change, even though I want it to change with every ounce of my being. I'm seeking ways to change myself within the structure that exists. For now. My ultimate plan is to bust wide out and never look back, but for now, a series of shifts.

If you also have trouble standing strong in a firm no, for whatever reason, consider this your permission (she also says to herself). In a brilliant confluence, I realize that as I get deeper into my Core Desired Feelings and deeper into a commitment to make those feelings a reality every day...I have to be very clear on what I say yes and no to. This ability to refine my commitments, and even my perspective on my commitments, is helping me change within that for-now structure.

"An inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy. People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives."

Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence.

In addition to what feels like a thousand photos and serendipitous article links on this very theme flooding my Facebook and Twitter feeds, two particular resources have come at just. the. right. time. It's these two resources that I want to share with you: a blog post from traveler/author Kim Dinan and a recently reprised post from Danielle. Kim talks about how we can decide whether to say yes or no, and Danielle talks about admitting when something sucks. From that foundation of "this sucks" - start saying no and fix it. She writes: "You're smart to see it. You're brilliant if you move on." Preach.


I'd love to hear about your experiences. Do you have difficulty saying no, particularly to anything that you perceive as "the responsible thing" to do? Has working through your Core Desired Feelings had this same effect on you, a refiner's fire of saying no?

Love, 
me

A New Year. The Desire Map. Feelings That Aren't Feeling-y Enough.

Since my last post I spent a week in New Orleans, a week in Southern California, and have now ushered in the new year at home in Salt Lake City. Photos of these trips will be posted shortly, btw. For now, however, I need to talk to you about The Desire Map.

I've posted about The Desire Map on this site before; primarily declaring that I knew it was out there, skating around it because I'm afraid of it, and acknowledging it would kick my emotional ass once I let it. Well, friends, I'm finally tackling it. I read it on all of my plane rides to and fro. I spent the entire day today (01 January 2014!) making my way through the workbook and trying to settle on my Core Desired Feelings. I also committed to my power word for 2014.

My power word and my experience with The Desire Map are so cosmically intertwined that I cannot talk about one and not the other. My 2013 power word was ABUNDANCE. I focused on (re)training my brain out of a scarcity mindset and believing and trusting and knowing there's enough of everything and all of that jazz. Well, The Universe flooded me with abundance and I now need to get out of my own way. I need to let it all flow through me and stop trying to control it, second guess it, one up it, over analyze it, and generally screw it up. Entre my 2014 power word: OPEN. My 2014 power phrase, more accurately: OPEN TO MAGIC.

I'm an academic through and through. Over half my life has been spent in school, college, a graduate program, professional certification courses, and my entire professional career has been built within the academy as well. The concept of magic, of faith, of things that cannot be explained, of something happening that I myself did not create and control...it's all a bit foreign. At least, it feels more foreign to me now that it ever has before. I think I used to be open. I think I used to be open to magic even. I used to be quite a romantic, really. You'd never know it if you met me for the first time today. Even though, at my core, I'm divinely feminine and unnervingly intuitive, the woman you'd meet on the street today is rational and precise and hyper logical and in control and pulled together and cynical and on top of it and you get the idea. I need to soften it up a bit. I need to be open again, open to letting all the energy and abundance flow in and out and around me, fluid and flexible. I need to let myself lean in to a bit of magic.

Enter my desire mapping process. I read the entire book. I powered through over a hundred workbook pages. I color coded. I dog eared. I post-it tabbed. I rocked it. I'm doing this. I'm making a list of Core Desired Feelings. I'm researching the etymology and combing through the thesaurus. I'm coding my qualitative research and identifying patterns. I'm failing already. I end up with a final list of words that make perfect sense and accurately identify my Core Desired Feelings, but they have no razzle dazzle, no sex, no magic, no...emotion. Hashtag irony. My entire mantra for the year is to be OPEN TO MAGIC and I've created the perfect list of core desired feelings...that don't feel like anything. They are not vulnerable. They are not open. They are not magical. Well, fuck.

I leave it for a while. I watch a few episodes of The Daily Show on hulu while I cook and laugh it off. When I return to the list I tell myself, "You're not being honest. Just say it. 'In Communion' is the perfect phrase for what you want to feel at your core, but to you the words feel patriarchal and Catholicish. So what if it's perfect...if it doesn't feel perfect to you?! Just say it. Be as simple as possible." I re-do the list three more times.

As of now, my Core Desired Feelings, including my 2014 power phrase:

OPEN TO MAGIC

ABUNDANT

CREATIVE

STRONG

FREE

SPIRITUALLY CENTERED

I waffled between "abundance" and "abundant" for a good 45 minutes. I'm still waffling. I had "healthy" in the list, but know that "strong" will get my ass to the gym with greater gusto. I discussed my reaction to the phrase I lovehate: "in communion." I had four iterations of my list that included "secure/free" as one word. That whole "secure/free" thing is a barrel of monkeys I will unpack throughout this whole year, but for now, I'm committed to the core core core, which is free.

In all honesty, I still don't think I'm there yet. I still don't feel these words are the very core of me. I still sense they are masking a bit of...something. I do know, however, that done is better than perfect. I also know that I will work through a month with these words and revisit them. I also also know that as I unravel more and more and more layers of my 2014 power phrase, I will inevitably unravel more and more and more layers of my desired feelings. I'll reach the core. I'm not there yet, but I will be.

I will be.

Love and desire,
me