a series of adventures: confession

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A word on clarity, declarations, and the power of your voice (part two)

This is the second half of a two-part post. Click to read the first installment, in which I talk about the relationship between clear declarations and living the life you want to live.

Diagnosis: Hashimoto’s Hypothyroiditis.

The butterfly-shaped thyroid gland in the front of our throat regulates metabolism and energy. I recently learned my body is home to an autoimmune disease that has shut down my thyroid. Furthermore, my immune system creates antibodies to attack my thyroid when it tries to turn back on. There is no cure. It doesn’t go away. There is only lifelong management, daily medication, and a new normal. I don't feel qualified to discuss the medical details of the disease, I’m still reeling and researching, I’m simply here to thank The Universe for the lessons my new reality is teaching me.

By not expressing my fully authentic voice, I was slowly killing myself. Literally and spiritually.

The task The Universe has lovingly handed to me is one of reconciliation with my own voice. The need for this healing sits literally in my diseased thyroid / throat, and sits spiritually in the expression of my fully authentic voice. The metaphysical correlation between the two is real and it's urgent. I felt that correlation wash over me the instant the fourth specialist I'd visited looked up from my seventh round of lab results and said, "Hashimoto's Hypothyroiditis," touching her throat.

I show distrust of my authentic voice whenever I live by rules I didn't create for myself. I neglect my authentic voice when I say yes but feel no. I disrespect my authentic voice when I strive to align my life with people's opinions of who I should be. I abuse my authentic voice when I numb out in any number of unhealthy ways and mask shame with meticulously curated perfectionism. In true perfectionist fashion, I've absolutely mastered all of it. I've carried on for decades.

The disease is genetically inherited (my mom was diagnosed one month before I was), but what I need to forgive is the fact that I am still responsible for much of what fed this disease for years prior to my diagnosis. I've built a successful career in higher education in which I use my voice all day every day; a voice that is intelligent and insightful, expert even. I was traveling and consulting nationally, keynoting conferences in packed hotel ballrooms when I was 24 years old. I completed a Master's degree on my own time and dime, and became a department head by age 27 because I wanted to lend my voice to big visions and change the system. I worked 60-hour weeks for a decade straight because I was driven, obsessive compulsive, and mistakenly thought I could handle it. I've stood my ground and ended relationships with the anemic religion of my youth and the disrespectful men of my twenties. No one who knows me would accuse me of being passive; but while I can cite all that active expression in my life, what I need to forgive myself for is simultaneously frying my adrenals, destroying what little thyroid I had, ignoring my body's requests to slow down, and pushing aside my fully authentic voice, telling her "someday."

No more someday. Now.

My authentic voice is now clear about the life I actually want to live. My authentic voice has unapologetically declared my intention to quit my job and travel the world. My authentic voice knows that living the life I want to live is not irresponsible, it's not selfish, it's not naive or shortsighted. It's brave. Period. My authentic voice knows the work that needs to be done is really fucking hard and really fucking scary. I don't know what it looks like to not have a full-time job providing my salary and health insurance. I don't know what it looks like to travel the world with an autoimmune disease that requires specific medications and treatments. I don't know how my body will react to the piles of new prescriptions pumping through her right now. I just don't know.

But here's the magic of speaking from my fully authentic voice: I don't need to know.

The Universe is welcoming me with open arms, thrilled that I've made it this far. I can feel it with every chronically fatigued, shaky cell in my body. She'll take care of it. I will live my way into the answers. I will make this path by walking. My new mantra is what Jen Sincero writes in You Are A Badass: "Your job isn't to know The How, it's to know The What." I am crystal clear on my What. My declaration is made. It's happening. Living my way into The How is now my co-creative tango with The Universe.

Don’t you cry for the lost. Smile for the living. Get what you need and give what you’re given. You know life's for the living so live it, or you’re better off dead. (listen to Passenger sing one of my favorite songs)

Love and lots of healing,
me

A word on clarity, declarations, and the power of your voice (part one)

I've been in a declarative mood as of late. Perhaps it was the sun in Leo's lion providing vicarious courage. Perhaps it's Mars in Scorpio, forcing a warrior spirit to wrestle everything into the light. Perhaps it's the culmination of years of quiet dreaming finally overflowing its threshold. Perhaps I'm now crystal clear about how I do and do not want to spend my life. Most likely it's all of the above in a perfect storm. Declaring to myself and others that I plan to eventually quit my job and travel the world is scary and exhilarating. It's also a game changer, the declaration alone. I've learned a few things, deep deep down in my bones learned, since making that declaration. Namely:

Declare. Do the hard work that clarity requires...then declare the shit out of your dreams.

Danielle LaPorte is my spirit animal. The Desire Map is without a doubt the most radical paradigm shift I've ever experienced. I was raised in an organized religion, left of my own accord in my early twenties, spent a decade rebuilding a worldview on my own terms; and yet not even that paradigm shift compares to The Desire Map blowing my world wide open.

Every creation the world has ever known, from a lightbulb to wheels to the Mona Lisa, began with a desire of some kind. Likewise, everything you want to create in your life begins with a desire. Every desire must be defined and clarified and refined and seared into a new way of life, a daily practice. It's not casual wanting, or listless hoping that some day something will happen. It's active. This desire is a living thing. It defines you as you're defining it. You're co-creating with The Universe. Woah. Dude, I know.

The reason you need to be crystal clear about your desires is because...

The Universe not only pays attention to your desires, she wants all of it for you as much as you want it for yourself. Probably more.

I wrote about the energy that shifted the moment I declared that I plan to eventually quit my job and travel the world. What I mean by "shifting energy" is that since making that declaration, it's all I can do to simply keep up with The Universe. She was waiting. Patiently. For years. She knew this was coming. She hoped I'd get here. She hoped I'd be courageous enough to ~~realize~~ admit this is what I ~~want~~ need. By the time I did finally catch up and own the full declaration of it all, she came flooding in. I can actually hear her sigh of relief, "Yes...this. It's so time for this. You have no idea the degree of awesomeness that's about to overtake every inch of your life." She's so stoked that I'm dialed in to the possibilities she sees for me. What does that flood look like? Opportunities to travel*, resources to learn and grow and keep my vibration high**, a serious medical diagnosis that's a terrifying blessing in disguise***, abundant support from strangers as well as friends, financial avenues that three weeks ago I didn't know even existed, and the deep satisfaction of knowing that I nailed it. I'm aligned. I'm in the zone. There's no going back now. Had I not been crystal clear with my desires, I could have and would have pursued any number of paths that might be fine, but not this right.

I'll be back soon with part two of this post, re: the correlation between my diagnosis and the power of our voice. I'll bring a lot of love (both gentle and tough) and permission with me. Stay tuned. Until then, wise words from author and civil rights leader Howard Thurman:

Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Love and desire,
me

* Exciting news about the next step in my travel writing career coming soon.
** I'll share these resources in a separate post coming soon.
*** I'll practice what I preach and speak with courage about my diagnosis in part two of this post.

RTW Adventure. Yes, I said it.

It's time. I've flirted with this long enough. Anyone who has known me longer than three minutes knows my life's passion is travel. I'm at my best when I'm in motion. I'm also passionate about writing, photography, and building communities. As Danielle LaPorte declares, it's time for me to:

Push. Turn up the volume. Go hard. Go harder. Re-prioritize your aches and pains. Infuse your sensitivities with courage. Tell fear to fuck right the fuck off. Devote to Done. Decide to be one of those people who pull it off.

What am I going to pull off? An around-the-world adventure (RTW in internet speak). I've talked about long-term travel for years, but not until very recently have I really let it sink really deep down in my soul, letting it rest in the place where I really know I really need to pull it off. Not even just want to pull it off at this point, because we're passed that. Need to pull it off. Full on need. There was a distinct moment when it all shifted. A moment when I realized that the fear of not doing something, the fear of regret, overpowered the fear of doing that thing. This is that moment. A RTW adventure is that thing. Writing and photographing and inspiring other people to take the leap is also a part of it.

Up to now I've said this out loud to only a few kindred souls. The most common, well-intentioned question: What about money and your career? My answer is two fold: 1) I'm saving my pennies and becoming BFFs with an abundant universe; and 2) Institutions of higher education will be here when I get back. My resume will be here when I get back. In fact, speaking of my career in higher ed, I'm framing this adventure as a sabbatical. Granted it's a sabbatical that I fund entirely on my own and must quit my job to pull off; but that only means I have ultimate freedom over my time and the terms of my travel.

The wish list below is 100% fluid and ever-changing (click for the permanent page link that houses the dynamic list). The point is that there is power in the declaration itself. There is power in being transparent with myself, The Universe, anyone who reads this. The list is messy and unedited. It contradicts and repeats itself. It's a creative flow of energy and it's what I need to keep my momentum going. It will change and change some more and eventually, over time, it will narrow down into plane tickets and Airbnb reservations. As of right now, this is what I dream of most:

Location-based Adventures

I should just type one word and be done: Everywhere. There is no end to this particular list. I must say though, I was overwhelmed with gratitude as I realized all the places I've already been. This list is a continuation of those travels and full of (mostly) brand new adventures I've yet to experience. I realize not all of my bucket list adventures are in my location-based adventures list and vice versa. It's a game of free association and categorizing uncategorizable things. Just go with it.

Visit every continent

Swim in every ocean

Stand at the North Pole

Stand at the South Pole

A National Geographic Expedition

Scandinavia (especially a family history pilgrimage based on my Danish and Swedish research)

Live in Copenhagen for whatever period of time feels like living and not visiting

Iceland

Ireland

Japan

Morocco

Spain

Cuba

Canadian Rockies
Australia + New Zealand

Easter Island - really so many islands in Melanesia, Micronesia, and Polynesia

India

Bhutan

Nepal

Tibet
Croatia

Turkey

Greece

Patagonia

Transportation Adventures

I'll likely be flying most everywhere I go, but I'd also like to give myself a break from airports.

My own two feet on a pilgrimage (high on my list is the Camino de Santiago)

One of only a few civilians on a cargo ship

Trains (like these + the Darjeeling Himalayan Railway)

Sailboat (possibly as crew)

River cruises

Trans-Atlantic cruise

Lodging Adventures

I love my Hilton points as much as the next business traveler, but it gets a bit sterile after a while.

A glass igloo under the Northern Lights in Finland

Hostels

Conservacion Patagonica

Bucket List Adventures

Random stuff I dream of doing that feels too big and too exciting to be listed as a mere location. These feel more like once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

Write for The Avid Cruiser as much as possible

As many UNESCO World Heritage sites as I can manage

Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef

Skydive. Somewhere. Anywhere. As long as it's tandem.
At least one night on a private, remote island (I must stop watching The Bachelorette)

Northern Lights

Pyramids of Giza, Egypt

The Great Wall, China
Sleep with an Italian. In Italy. More than once.

Petra, Jordan

Taj Mahal, India

Machu Picchu, Peru

Hot air ballooning in Cappadocia, Turkey

Logistical Considerations

My family traveled around the States a lot when I was young. I was 15 when I went abroad for the first time, with friends, to Russia. I've been exploring the world ever since in one way or another. I know myself as a traveler. I know my patterns. I know what puts me in the flow and makes me feel awesome, and I know what makes me tense and burns me out.

Balance and alternate city trips with wilderness trips. Go go go then chill chill chill.

Balance and alternate guided group experiences and getting lost all on my own.

Balance and alternate luxury and budget experiences, from lodging to transportation to food.

Balance and alternate solo travel with group travel, be it friends or strangers.

These balances and alternations are very literal, says the introverted Libra. For example: A hostel in the heart of Paris with packed days and colorful nights...then housesitting and grocery shopping in Nowhere, Norway...then a river cruise in China with guided excursions...then an Airbnb in Japan with an invitation to a friend from back home. Like that.

Also, unplanned windows of time. This makes my palms sweat and I desperately want to color code something to calm myself down, which is exactly why I know I need to do it. For every ellipses you see in the itinerary above, add an undecided length of time filled with random whatever. Maybe it's additional time in the current or the next location. Maybe it's a quick stop somewhere between the two locations. Maybe it's a multiple choice game presented to readers of this site, letting you chose your own adventure with/for me. For real. The goal is space. Time. Allowing. Staying open to the magic of it all.

Mighty Life List

I'll obviously update this site as I pursue my RTW adventure, but you're also invited to join me on Go Mighty. In fact, I challenge you to create your own Mighty Life List. It will take me a while to fully populate my Mighty Life List, but I kind of like that it's an ongoing process. Check them out! Decide to be one of those people who pull it off.

I'd love to hear from you. Have you tackled a RTW trip? Have you tackled any big dream, really? Let's talk. Let's inspire each other. Let's do this.

Love and adventure,

Live + Learn: I Desire Mapped Half the Year Away

{ this post is part of the desire map series // you're invited }

July is nearly over. You guys. July. Is. Nearly. Over. Where did 2014 go? Oh right, I've been out of town until basically now. I'm also convinced the earth is spinning faster, but that's another theory for another day. When I first dove into The Desire Map in January, I intended to post monthly about the process of establishing Core Desired Feelings, trying to live them, how they shift over time. Guess what though...it's like bottling lightning. I've learned that this process cannot be contained or properly explained. It's pure magic. It's sacred. It's fluid and subtle and profound. When it truly becomes a foundational paradigm in your life, it's like trying to explain what salt tastes like.

That having been said, the irony is that I've been using the distinctly quantifiable Desire Map 2014 Day Planner every single day since 01 January. The dichotomy between inexplicable, etherial magic and mapping out every day of your life is a tension I've learned to hold. Robert Fritz refers to this as the work of structural tension. The point is that the daily planning...isn't actually the point. The intention - and the tension between current reality and your desired outcome - is the point. You're raising your frequency because you're intentionally partnering with The Universe to create something that is simultaneously your design and beyond anything you could've imagined. Yes, I just capitalized The Universe. It's a thing. Trust me. I also have a citrine crystal near my laptop as a write this. Also a thing. Google it.

In March I spent a week in the Hopi lands. At a sunrise healing ceremony with an elder shaman I learned about the tradition of offering a prayer of white corn meal to the four directions as the sun peeks up over the mesa.

In February I morphed my CDFs from a list into a mantra, but even that short statement has shifted over time. "Your desire is a prayer. Be open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and spiritual alignment." Since then I've more fully owned the experience with a shift in accountability: "MY desires are prayers." The mantra is also no longer instructive, but empowered: "I AM open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health..." Even aligning myself spiritually isn't sufficient. I want a direct "source flow" - through me, through me, through me, literal energy flowing through me in cycles from a source I've come to believe in completely. As of July:

My desires are prayers. I am open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and source flow.

In another example of how raising my frequency shifted my perception of what's possible: "Creativity" may soon become "creation." It was originally referencing artistic creativity and the many passion projects I engage in. It's since become about creation in the purest sense of the word. I may create a painting. I may create a blog post. But increasingly so, I may also create a career as a travel writer. That will be a creative way to support myself and spend my days, but the power comes in the fact that if I make it, that will be A Creation in itself. I'm feeling more and more ready to own the fact that a focus on artistic creativity alone was selling myself short. It's time to manifest some serious shit. Alright, The Remainder Of 2014. You and me. Let's do this.

Love and pure desires,
me

You are because you say you are.

I recently wrote about a dream coming true. Traveling to Alaska (bucket list destination) courtesy of Princess Cruises (hello, press credentials) writing and photographing (numero uno dream job of all time) for The Avid Cruiser (a respected mentor and friend). It doesn't get more exciting than this. I've been blogging and traveling and writing and wanderlusting and photographing and dreaming for years. At times I wanted all of that energy to lead to something and at other times I just kept going because it makes me happy. At times I pursued the goal with specific intentions and at other times I ignored it entirely, going about my normal life. This ebb and flow, this evolving dance with what I really want out of my life, has been going on for what feels like forever. Now here I am. Even though it could seem simple, this one assignment, I still believe it's an absolute manifestation. It feels surreal. That's actually what I want to talk about, the surreal nature of it all. This thought has been stewing for a while now: You are because you say you are. Jen Sincero, Wayne Dyer, and I have something to say about the power of owning it.

Owning it. No apologies. No excuses. Taking a proactive role in defining the life you want to live.

Ralph Grizzle (a.k.a. The Avid Cruiser) recently posted about the three journeys covered on the Live Voyage Report site in May. When I read his words, I couldn't take them in. It felt like an out of body experience. Who is this woman he's talking about, anyway?

A chance meeting a couple of years ago resulted in our welcoming aboard Gail Jessen. Gail is a Salt Lake City based writer who will be reporting for us from Star Princess as she and the ship make their way from San Francisco to Skagway — and back. Gail wrote an engaging piece that will tell you who she is and how she became a travel writer. You will find her post here. For inspiration alone, it is recommended reading.

A Salt Lake City based writer? How she...became a travel writer? Inspiring? I stared at the screen. Agape. Holy shit, you guys. I'm a writer based in Salt Lake City. That's me he's talking about. I'm a writer. I write. I'm writing. I'm in Salt Lake City and I write, like writers do. I'm a travel writer. I write about travel. Out in the world, while traveling, I write. I'm a writer of travel stories based in Salt Lake City. My reaction was a bit like...Bob's.

I'd say printing a box of oh-so-official business cards - to hand out on the ship and to family/friends - is owning it.

One particular point from Sincero's book, You Are a Badass, comes to mind a lot lately. I'm paraphrasing, but she basically says: You want to be a photographer...but you don't take pictures. What sense does that make? Conversely, you take a lot of photos and it's a significant passion for you, but you say you're not a photographer? Why the hell not? What's a photographer then? Someone who takes pictures. So go do that. Say you're a photographer. Aren't you? Then go do it some more. You are whatever you say you are simply because you said it...then did something about it. She writes:

Set your intention, work steadily in the direction you want to go, do all that you know how to do, believe it’s here and available to you, be diligent about how you speak, think and behave, have faith in yourself and The Universe, and then...drum roll please, this is the super important part...breathe, let it go, fuggetaboutit, give it some damn room to come in.

While I read Sincero over a year ago, I've recently been making my way through Wayne Dyer's newest book, I Can See Clearly Now. I tackle bits and pieces here and there, mostly letting the new paradigms settle in between readings. It's the kind of a book you take your time with and he's that kind of author. What's percolating to the top is his discussion of "I AM..." The phrase "I am" is one of the most profound, transformative phrases we can possibly utter. We literally create our reality with that phrase. Think about it. It's so simple, but it's such a game changer. We can unfairly turn "I'm having a rough day and lost my temper for a moment" into "I am an angry person." We can also then take a proactive role in defining the life we want to live by turning "I like to write and maintain a blog" into "I am a travel writer."

I AM. Sit with it for a minute. Think of all the ways you're currently shaping your reality with I AM statements (conscious or out loud or not). Think of all the ways you could shift your future reality by intentionally focusing on the power of "I AM."

I'll kick it off: I am a travel writer based in Salt Lake City.

Love,
me

This post is dedicated to Jo and Elizabeth, two amazing women who inspire me...and who I've never actually met. Through the magic that is Instagram and, coincidentally, an online photography course, we found each other. Without saying much - a double-tap photo like here, a Facebook comment there - we've connected and we just get it. This is for them.

Live + Learn: My first full month of practicing The Desire Map

{ this post is part of the desire map series // you're invited }

I wrapped up my first full month of daily Desire Map practice. I reworked my core desired feelings a number of times before January even started, but I think I still need to fine tune them even more. I can't shake the sense that the words I chose aren't yet reaching their most powerful, evocative depth. For February I decided to use my 2014 power word (OPEN) as an umbrella for my CDFs. I'm also changing my CDFs from a static list of words into a mantra:

"Your desire is a prayer. Be open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and spiritual alignment."

About two weeks into January I also learned a powerful lesson about the paradox and conflict between my some of my CDFs, and how to stay focused on the long game. I made decisions that I felt would manifest abundance and freedom, but I ended up moving so far away from health and spiritual alignment that it wasn't worth it. I was temporarily free and I felt an abundance of time and space, but the aftermath of my choices actually made me physically ill. In turn, that made me upset and disappointed that I probably knew better and still made the wrong decision. My core, my aligned and balanced core, was way off kilter. It's going to take time and a lot of practice to understand which choices are completely true to the long range intentions of my CDFs. Live and learn.

What lessons have you learned in trying to live your CDFs every day?

Love and the long game,
me

Incubating Dreams

While I love The Cult of Done Manifesto for what it can do to help me manage counterproductive perfectionism, the truth is that some projects take longer than a week to knock out (see Manifesto point no.5). The realistic flip side is that some goals require a long game. Of course we need to make progress on interim goals, and consider those Done a'la manifesto, but when we're talking about massive, life-changing, feel-silly-even-saying-it-outloud dreams, I think we need a different way to approach it.

A recent post by life coach Kate Swoboda provides a helpful framework for thinking about the incubation of dreams. She contends that "The way we go after the dream is just as important as the fulfillment of the dream itself." She challenges us: "How is your dream incubating? As you’re working, what’s your dream marinating in? What’s the energy that it’s gestating and developing in?" She goes on with examples of productive and unproductive incubation energy, if you will.

I don’t know why I’d bother. No one will show up, anyway.
becomes...
This is hard, but it’ll be worth it.

I’m putting all of this work in, so it had better work out for me!
becomes...
I live a good life now, and I know I’ll live a good life, later–no matter what the outcome.

I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid. I’m so afraid.
becomes...
I’m afraid, but I’m willing to trust. I’m afraid, but I’m willing to trust. I’m afraid, but I’m willing to trust.

It's so simple, right? She's not presenting earth-shattering revelations, she presenting gentle reminders of what we know in our soul and forget in the daily grind. How many times have I sat down to write a blog post and said, "I don't know why I bother. No one will read this anyway." Instead of clicking over to netflix and spending time feeling deflated, the mantra should be, "This is hard, but it'll be worth it."

It's a call to action for myself as much as it is for anyone reading this. We need to be conscious of the white noise, the subconscious energy, and the space in which we're incubating our dreams. And doesn't it all end up boiling down to abundance? My 2013 power word has been a doozy, let me tell you. I've come to realize, without fail, most everything in life breaks down to fear/scarcity or love/abundance. The incubation of our dreams, if I may put words in Kate's mouth, must happen in an abundant space. As she said, "The conditions under which our dreams are created do affect the outcomes. Stop, breathe, get present to what you’re creating at all points along the way." {tweet it}

Love and love and more love,
me

The Cult of Done: A Manifesto

created by illustrator James Provost (click for links to purchase the print).

A few years back, Kio Stark and Bre Pettis, CEO of MakerBot and leader in the 3D printing industry, created The Cult of Done Manifesto. If you're not familiar with it, I want to share it with you. If this is old news to you, you're welcome for the reminder. This is good stuff.

As I'm working my way back to a creative mindset and creative set of habits throughout this year, I find myself getting stuck at familiar road blocks. And by "familiar road blocks" I mean to say paralyzing perfectionism. If it can't be a perfect end result right out of the gate, then it's not good enough and I need to stay at the drawing board, as it were. Lame, I know. Not very not present-minded, either. Eckhart would be so disappointed in me. While this pattern is engrained in my DNA, and it's not easy to shut that off, The Cult of Done Manifesto is an excellent slap in the face. Thirteen slaps, actually. Ready? Here we go:

The Cult of Done Manifesto

There are three states of being: Not knowing, action, and completion. {tweet it}
Accept that everything is a draft. It helps to get it done. {tweet it}
There is no editing stage.
Pretending you know what you're doing is almost the same as knowing what you are doing, so just accept that you know what you're doing even if you don't and do it.
Banish procrastination. If you wait more than a week to get an idea done, abandon it.
The point of being done is not to finish but to get other things done. {tweet it}
Once you're done you can throw it away.
Laugh at perfection. It's boring and keeps you from being done. {tweet it}
People without dirty hands are wrong. Doing something makes you right.
Failure counts as done. So do mistakes. {tweet it}
Destruction is a variant of done. {tweet it}
If you have an idea and publish it on the internet, that counts as a ghost of done.
Done is the engine of more. {tweet it}

Whether it's long-range creative pursuits or motivation to empty the dishwasher, this manifesto is so packed with wisdom.

Love, number eight, and cheers to done,

Examining Creative Patterns + Myths

While I started my 2013 Happiness Project with the power word "abundance," it quickly sprouted a supplemental focus: creativity. I've been working my way back into creative spaces that come naturally for me, but that I had suppressed into a deficit. This focus has led me to take up the hobby of acrylic painting, it brought about an artistic collaboration with a dear friend, it put out enough energy that Craft Lake City called me in to concoct a guest blogger series, it has raised my frequency (as original badass Jen Sincero would say) and ushered in all sorts of goodness. However, over the last couple months, the concept of creativity has become negatively loaded. I think it built to a head after the Robert Fritz CREATING workshop. Parenthetical: No, the irony is not lost on me.

I've come to admit that when I overlay this renewed creative spirit onto my Type A Over-achiever personality, the pure joy of surrendering to generative energy gets lost a bit. Suddenly, my painting has to lead to something and will I sell at farmer's markets and how do I monetize the hobby and when will I possibly find time to paint every day when the light is right and I'm stuck in the office and how will I ever license my work to appear on iPhone cases and lumbar pillows and ... Hashtag scarcity mindset. I know. It's obvious. I'm even hyper aware of it the exact moment my brain spins out. But it still spins out.

In reflecting on how to get a handle on this, I realized that when I uncovered my second power word, I told myself that reconnecting with creativity meant I was now A Creative All The Time Like That Is My New Reality.

It doesn't work that way. As it turns out.

Reading a recent post by Danielle LaPorte was like getting smacked across the face with a You're Welcome reality check. "As artists," she writes, "we have patterns of creating. A way we typically make things happen. A style in which we pull ideas down from the ethers and put them into form." Wait. What? You mean my creativity can have it's own pattern? That means the Type A Over-acheiver pattern that I'm dragging home with me from a fierce day at the office does not have to be the same pattern that paints pretty pictures? Huh.

Seems obvious, right? Yeah, sure, it does now.

Danielle identifies a few creative patterns:

Pounds at possibilities like a stick on a piñata until it rains down candies of goodness.

Plods like an ox and patiently awaits the harvest.

Falls in love again and again with ideas and people and keeps falling in love every time.

Dances with harmony, always looking for the most beautiful solution and energetic alignment.

Moves mountains no matter what listening to heavy metal or Madam Butterfly cranked in the background.

I think I'm somewhere between falling in love and dancing with harmony. As a hippie dippie Libra who prattles on constantly about balance and the vibration of things, I think love and alignment are pretty accurate. I think there's more nuance to that - I can see myself in other patterns, and can even imagine patterns that she didn't write about - but it's a good place to start the investigation. In other words, I may move mountains to pound away at pinatas all day at work, but I think the core of my soul is far more gentle and carries a different energy entirely.

She goes on to say, "When you identify your Creativity Pattern you’ve got a very powerful opportunity: Change the way you get stuff done because it’s killing you, or keep mastering your tao of doing because it’s getting you beautiful results across the board." The paradox is that the mountain mover way I get stuff done at work and the way I achieved a MA, homeownership, national consulting career, my third passport, and being the boss lady all before age 30...works. But it works in a very one-dimensional way. When Danielle talks about getting results, the pinata pounding certainly gets results; however, it is simultaneously killing me. Figuratively, when we talk about my creative soul, and literally, when we talk about ignoring health concerns because I can't make a pit stop on the fast track to where the hell ever. My tao is somewhere in the love and alignment realm. That means, in practical terms, that I can't burn out at work all day and come home and expect my energy to align with an hour of painting simply because that's what Siri tells me is up next on the calendar. Which raises more systemic questions about my priorities and career, but that's another post entirely.

After Danielle's post cracked me wide open, the next resource came flooding in and showed me how to actually move forward with these ideas. I came across "Everything You Thought You Knew About Creativity Is Wrong" -- bingo. David Goldstein and Otto Kroeger published a book connecting the Myers-Briggs Type Indicators to creative patterns. Love it. They also identified five big myths about creativity:

Myth No.1:
Stepping outside your comfort zone is the best way to elicit creativity. {tweet}

Myth No.2:
Brainstorming sessions are the best way to come up with brilliant ideas. {tweet}

Myth No.3:
Being creative means being spontaneous. {tweet}

Myth No.4:
Creative people must invent something new. (tweet}

Myth No.5:
Creativity means having a finished product. {tweet}

In other words, Self, even though you've made incredible strides this year, you're hitting a threshold now because you've essentially been pounding away with the mis-guided belief that those five statements, to the letter, were how you needed to handle creativity. Myths. A revelation. Done.

Now it's time to create, or rather discover, my own creative pattern. It's also time to clickety click and read the kindle version of Goldstein & Kroeger's book. No more guilt. No more "I should be painting right now" and no more "I have to write that post tonight" -- find the pattern that will sustain me over the long haul.

Love and alignment,
me

Owning the Fear.

I've been reflecting a lot lately (off-line, mostly) about fallow versus fertile creativity and also about fear. I think my brain is gearing up for a post, but for now, watch this video from Kate Swoboda of Your Courageous Life. It's resonating.

I recently participated in a workshop series with four of my girlfriends. I mentioned it only briefly on this site, but those thoughts have also been brewing into a post that will come soon. There's something to be said about oscillating patterns of behavior that keep you from advancing success upon success upon success...and what Kate is discussing in the video below is a close cousin to that idea. I like that she calls out our usual list of excuses as nothing but fear. I've been working a lot this year on understanding that everything - absolutely everything - basically breaks down into love or fear, abundance or scarcity. Naming scarcity and fear helps set us on a different path to getting past our own bullshit.

Anyway, all of that is percolating. More soon. For now, enjoy Kate!

Love and more love,

My Declaration: Trust

The sequencing of topics in The Declaration of You is so brilliant. After spending the summer making a series of declarations, the elephant in the room seems to be: "Now what? How can all this awesomeness actually happen?" Thinking about the next steps beyond the bloglovin' book tour, a scarcity mindset starts freaking out, trying to control the what, the how, the whole of it. An abundant mindset, on the other hand, trusts that it will all happen. Abundance is not passive, though. It's hard, proactive work. But it's calm, knowing and trusting that it will all happen. Enter...

Illustration by the lovely Jessica Swift.

As my final declaration of the series, want to recap each declaration I've made along the way. This time, I want to declare my trust in everything I've worked toward this summer. Ready? (she says to herself) Okay. Go.

Enthusiasm

I trust that recommitting myself to the importance of my core passions in life will bring opportunities that I can't even conceive of yet. I trust that the time and energy I spend reclaiming my creativity is time and energy well spent. I trust that if I focus my creative energy on writing, photography, travel, and building community, I will be a happy happy girl. {read the original Declaration of Enthusiasm}

Uniquity

"Why we all gotta look, gotta act the same? I say if you're born a lion, don't bother trying to act tame" (Ani DiFranco). I trust that when I speak my truth, like attracts like. I will live life as the most authentic version of myself and trust that the people who are meant to walk that path with me, will. I trust that living out loud will lead to a rich, abundant life. {read the original Declaration of Uniquity}

Intention

I trust that I've done the best I could do with the knowledge I had at the time; and wanting to set new intentions now is an act of creation and love. I trust The Universe enough to set the intentions I really truly want to set. I trust The Universe enough to set the intentions that scare me. I trust myself to pour a whole lot of love into those intentions. I trust that as I let go of (my illusion of) control and get out of my own way, The Universe will fill in the gaps. {read the original Declaration of Intention}

Self-care

No one else is going to take care of me. It's called self-care for a reason. I trust myself to know what I need and I trust myself to be able to take of it. I trust that one of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other's happy; however, I also trust that in order to do that I need to be happy myself. I trust that time and energy committed to self-care will allow me to more fully care for those I love, including myself. {read the original Declaration of Self-care}

Success

I trust myself to recreate a definition of success that works for me now and supports the new goals I'm setting for my life. I know that passion matters deeply when it comes to success and so I will assess what I can let go of, only keeping what works for me now. I trust that career moves that might look like a step backward, can actually be a step forward in a new direction. I trust that The Universe holds abundant possibilities and will help me let go of the old paradigms of success that I've outgrown. {read the original Declaration of Success}

Money

I will accept money simply for what it is: A tool. I know that wanting it doesn't make me greedy and getting (a lot of) it doesn't make me a douchebag. I trust that I can declare exactly the kind of life I want and I can appreciate money as the energy to help me do it. I trust that as I raise my frequency and increase my awareness of what's possible, I will also open myself up to the means to accomplish it. I trust that money will flow in and out of my life as needed. {read the original Declaration of Money}

Celebration

I know that the connection between celebration, marking the passage of time, and self-care is important to me. I know that when I get off balance, it's because I'm not pausing and I'm not marking time. I trust that when I give myself permission to reflect and be grateful, to pause, celebrate, shift gears, and re-dedicate my energy in a new direction, I will grow and find new adventures to celebrate. {read the original Declaration of Celebration}

Trust

Dear Self,

I love you. You got this. Trust that.

xo,
me

The Fine Print: The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, giving readers the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, to discover how they and their gifts are unique, and to uncover what they are meant to do!

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My Declaration: Money

It's inevitable that we'd get around to this, right? Throughout the blog lovin' book tour we've been talking about our passions and what makes us unique, we've set intentions and sorted out how to best take care of ourselves, we've even redefined what it means to be successful. And of course, at some point, we do need to finance all of this fabulousness. Yeah, about that...

Illustration by the lovely Jessica Swift.

Two of the books I'm reading right now (both of which I've talked about on this blog: You Are a Badass (Sincero) and The Happiness Project (Rubin)) have chapters dedicated explicitly to money and our relationship with it. I just so happened to reach both of those chapters in the last week or so and have been absorbing the ideas like a sponge. I also received an eNewsletter from Your Courageous Life in which Kate Swoboda made a video discussing her concept of radical abundance. Weird coincidence that all of this information happened to come to me all at once? I doubt it. Hashtag manifesting intentions.

So Rubin is a hardcore pragmatist. She breaks down all the stats and research around money and happiness. She also shares the concept of spending out, which is directly related to abundance. Finding a blog post she wrote about spending out triggered my "I'm wearing pink lace panties" post earlier this year. It's an interesting evolution of the concept to also see it represented in her money chapter. The purpose of spending out is not to drain your checking account, which is sort of what it sounds like initially, but it's actually to avoid hoarding / holding on to stuff with a mindset of fear and scarcity. The goal is to keep the energy of money fluid and flowing in your life. Trust that you'll have what you need (and more) and you'll be able to provide it for yourself consistently. There's no need to be afraid and hold on to anything. Spend out. There's more where that came from.

Though she doesn't use the term "spending out" in her book, Sincero does open her money chapter with a story of buying a new car, one that was a bit aspirational for her income at the time. She says that the purchase "was about no longer being the kind of person who takes what she can get, and finally becoming the kind of person who creates exactly what she wants." Her point is not to max yourself out in debt because deep down you believe you're meant to be the kind of person who drives a vintage Aston Martin on a babysitter's salary. Her point was about changing your frequency so that you can attract to you a new version of your life. The car was her magnet, and it was also her motivation to hit the pavement and round up more cash. In her words:

"When you up-level your idea of what's possible, and decide to really go for it, you open yourself up to the means to accomplish it as well." {tweet it}

You open yourself up to the means to accomplish it. Sort of scary, huh? It takes me a second to settle into that and trust it. I know it's true, spiritually and emotionally, but it's in direct conflict with the overbearing cultural paradigm that you should be working hard within The System so that it can reward you with incremental promotions and an eventual gold watch. Sincero's dialogue around money is all about "expanding your beliefs about what is available to you in all areas of your life." Money is energy, just like everything else. It's not evil. It's not good. It's a tool. If you want more of it to accomplish the dreams you've laid out for yourself, then you need your energy to operate at a frequency that will attract the types of opportunities and moolah you need in order to get it done.

She writes that when you're "operating at a high frequency, with no resistance to it, and take the right action, you can manifest the money you desire." It's a total paradigm shift and it's tough for me. To once again use terms I explained in my declaration of success post, this concept of manifesting money is a very nurturing parent track of love total abundance mindset. And a bit hippie woo woo, let's be honest about that. The paradigm with which it conflicts is the strict father track of fear scarcity mindset. Switching gears from one to the other is not an easy thing to do. To get us there, Sincero lays out five rules of wealth consciousness:

RULE ONE: Come from a place of abundance, not lack {tweet it}

See above. And more or less every blog post I've put out this year. This is the absolute foundation of all of this.

RULE TWO: Get clear on where you're at {tweet it}

She suggests a free-write journal exercise to unpack all of the burdens and baggage and cultural crap we pile on to money. She believes that if you don't have the money you want, "you definitely have some crazy." We have to sort it out and name it before we can get over it.

RULE THREE: Get clear on where you desire to be {tweet it}

Be brutally honest about what kind of life you really want and what kind of experiences will make you really happy. The Universe responds to details. She wastes no time calling us out: "Pretending you don't want more than you already have because you can't afford it, or feel guilty and pretentious for wanting it, that's called being a weenie."

RULE FOUR: Raise your frequency {tweet it}

Energetically align yourself with the life you want. Act as if. Saying you want to be a photographer and only touching your camera once every six months is low-frequency. Saying you want to be a photographer and making photographs every single day, good or bad, to share or not to share, is high-frequency. Saying you want to somehow get paid to make photographs every day is the highest of frequencies.

RULE FIVE: Stay in shape {tweet it}

She suggests reading wealth consciousness books, articles, journals, whatever you need to do to understand money and keep the energy around money fresh and flowing.

With all of this in mind, as far as my own declaration goes, I have some work to do around the idea of money. I need to let go of all the baggage I've imposed on money and accept it for what it is: A tool. Wanting it doesn't make me greedy and getting (a lot of) it doesn't make me a douchebag. My new mantra is all about owning exactly what kind of life I want to live, appreciating money as the energy to help me do it, and trusting that it will flow in and out of my life as needed.

Love and benjamins,
me

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My Declaration: Success

So far on the blog lovin' book tour, we've covered enthusiasm, uniquity, intention, and self-care. Now we're ready to talk about success. This is a complex notion that can be loaded with cultural assumptions and baggage to spare. Be sure to read what the other creative bloggers are saying about this topic, including the women featured in this chapter: Kelly Rae Roberts and Jennifer Lee. Feel free to share your thoughts below. I'd love to hear how you tackle this topic.

Illustration by the lovely Jessica Swift.

A month ago I read an article about Huffington Post's Third Metric conference for women. The conference was all about: "How we can begin to measure success beyond money and power, according to a third metric: well-being." Boom. That. Right there. I've been in that exact headspace since we kicked off 2013 (before that, really, but I didn't name and organize this energy until the new year). After reading the article I blogged about the third metric and declared: "I am definitely ready to redefine success in my life." Well, that manifested in The Declaration of You blog series and a chance to sort out what that actually means. Be careful what you wish for, kids.

Since arriving at the point in my life that I want to switch gears and refocus my time and energy, I'm ultra sensitive to the paradigms, cultural dialogues, and even inner dialogues that govern my thinking around success. I will never forget a text I read in grad school, Lakoff's "Don't Think of an Elephant." He's a political scientist who breaks down our society into two paradigms: Strict Father and Nurturing Parent. At its core, Lakoff's model is precisely what Ruiz explains in "The Mastery of Love" when he writes about the Track of Fear and the Track of Love. Another way to phrase all of this is to think about approaching life from a scarcity model versus abundant thinking.

What if you're not familiar with Lakoff's work, or haven't read Ruiz, or simply wonder what hippie dippy babble I'm prattling on about? Take this as the perfect example: I recently pulled out of a national publishing deal at work. It was a big decision and a big step toward my new version of success. The strict father track of fear scarcity mindset (how's that for a mouthful) said: "You have to do this. You don't know when an opportunity like this will come again. You're in academia, you're supposed to publish. You're supposed to have your name out there. You'll lose your credibility. You need to do this for your institution." Can you hear all the hamsters on the wheels just cranking that bullshit out? Can you hear the strict father version of success? Can you hear the fear and the scarcity?

If I get right down to it, this paradigm has governed a lot of my ambition and success in life. Not consciously, necessarily, because I don't feel fear on a daily basis while striving to kick ass at work. That's not what I'm saying. But in a more subtle and subconscious way, this has been the undercurrent. It's taken me to amazing places in my career and my life, and I don't begrudge it, but I've outgrown it. It's like taking the red pill in The Matrix. You can't come back from that.

Enter the Third Metric article, posted a fortuitous three days after my conversation with the publisher. Here's a riff on a few of the remarks that really resonated:

Career moves that might look like a step backward can be a step forward. {tweet it}

Depending on who you ask, my move with the publishing deal at work was a step backward; however, it was actually a step forward into new energy. It freed up time that I'm now dedicating to projects I feel fully passionate about.

Everyone says passion matters, but it really matters. Say no to things that don't nourish that. {tweet it}

Author Susan Cain said at the conference: "I would add another element to that Third Metric, and that's passion, and learning how to say no to things that are not in the service of that passion." I have yet to dive into Danielle LaPorte's Desire Map, but I've been dancing around its edges for a while now. I've mentioned this on the blog, but it's going to be epic once I cross the starting line and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for the upheaval. You want to talk about shifting paradigms, try this: Do not create a list of tasks to accomplish. Create a list of your core desired feelings, and the tasks to get you to those feelings will define themselves. It doesn't get more nurturing, loving, and abundant than that. Some day soon-ish I'll desire map the crap out of my life. Literally. The crap will be gone from my life. Some day.

Stop trying to make it look easy. Let go of the myth of perfection. {tweet it}

Vulnerability. Ugh. I suck at this. I'm aware. Women have to let go of the myth of perfection. I'm working on it. Mika Brzezinski sets all of us perfectionists straight in this quick video.

Assess what you can let go of. Keep only what works for you. {tweet it}

Often times success isn't about what you actively strive for and achieve, but it's about arriving in an abundant space where you can let go of what no longer works for you. It's similar to the revelation I stumbled upon in terms of meditation practice: Just get out of the way. I'm working to let go of the strict father track of fear scarcity paradigm. I'm trying to live in a paradigm of abundance. Even though it's hard to unlearn a lifetime of mythology, letting go and letting new paradigms in is essential to creating a definition of success. The new definition will be far more fulfilling and it will be authored by me, for me.

“In the track of fear we have so many conditions, expectations, and obligations that we create a lot of rules just to protect ourselves against emotional pain, when the truth is that there shouldn't be any rules." Ruiz is right. Cheers to breaking the rules and redefining success.

We can do this.

Love,
me

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My Declaration: Self-care

The Declaration of You pre-order books have shipped! If you're feeling left out as you read along with the 100+ posts on the tour so far, never fear. Click here to order the book and join the party. This week we're talking about...

Illustration by the lovely Jessica Swift.

My previous declarations around enthusiasm, uniquity, and intention were fraught with varying degrees of introspective struggle (wrong word, but you know what I mean). I was/am working my way into a comfortable space with those declarations. However, now that we've reached the self-care week, I'm all about it. Seriously, Internet, I got this.

As I watched Michelle and Jessica's video for the self-care week, I heard them talk about the difficulty and guilt of self-care. It's a familiar refrain among women, but I have a confession to make: I don't actually find it all that difficult or guilt-inducing. Of course now I feel guilty for apparently being selfish and indulgent. Wait. Just a second. Okay, it passed. Here's the thing: I understand and completely respect women who talk about their families and/or the struggle to put themselves first. That's just not an experience I share. Maybe it's a sensual Libra thing. Maybe it's a perspective I've intentionally grown into over time and fully own in my 30s. Maybe it's a luxury of being single with no children. The context for my conclusion is technically irrelevant because this single gal's perspective on self-care may resonate with you regardless of your situation. People tend to think this declaration is scary, but I find it empowering:

No one else is going to take care of me. It's called SELF-care for a reason. {tweet it}

As part of The Happiness Project, my brunch group just read Gretchen Rubin's chapter on friendship. A specific statement in the chapter resonated with everyone. It honors the beautiful aspect of our nature that desires to take care of others, but it also recognizes the reality of self-care:

One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself. {tweet it}

Okay, but how do you actually go about taking care of yourself? What does that even look like? One of the most profound resources I've discovered is Gary Chapman's work around the idea of Love Languages. There are five possible love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Love languages govern every relationship we have (including with ourselves), and it goes way beyond romantic partnerships. I am conscious of love languages in relationships with co-workers, family, friends, boyfriends, even strangers. Once you tune in, it's something you'll notice everywhere. If the word "love" trips you up, think of it in general terms as the way we demonstrate that we care about something. Meaning - the way you demonstrate that you care about yourself can align with your love language. Loving and caring for yourself will come more naturally if this alignment is in place.

Discover your Love Language for free!

For example: My love language is time, by far. The test ranks each of your languages on a 1-12 scale. My Quality Time score is 11/12, whereas Receiving Gifts is 1/12. In Chapman's words: "In the language of Quality Time, nothing says 'I love you' like full, undivided attention." What does this mean in terms of self-care? It means that in my busy schedule, I need to intentionally block out Quality Time, name it as such, and stick to it. It also means that saying yes, or saying no, to social commitments is a form of self-care. It means that making time to meditate every day, a practice I recently started, is an act of self-care. It means that two-hour brunches on a Sunday morning are totally luxurious acts of love. Other ways I make time and spend it caring for myself: mani/pedis, movies, bubble baths and face masks, monthly massage appointment, alone time, slowing down my work week by blocking out non-negotiable meeting-free times in my calendar, planning events with friends where the only purpose is to catch up on each other's stories, allowing myself windows of time to do absolutely nothing productive and not feeling guilty about it, and on and on.

I thankfully manage to do all of this pretty well and pretty regularly -- but Declaration of You author Michelle Ward raises a larger point: An even deeper meaning of self-care is about expression, passion, longing, and identity. It's about not denying any part of yourself, or in other words, declaring every part of yourself. Therefore, fully embracing myself as a creative person is an act of self-care. I may find it easy to make time for a good massage, but the idea of fully realizing my creative self will take some growing into. *drumroll* I can now feel free to take my own advice:

It's called self-care for a reason. No one will prioritize this for me. I commit time to self-care so that I can more fully care for those I love, including myself.

Love,

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