A word on clarity, declarations, and the power of your voice (part two)

This is the second half of a two-part post. Click to read the first installment, in which I talk about the relationship between clear declarations and living the life you want to live.

Diagnosis: Hashimoto’s Hypothyroiditis. 

The butterfly-shaped thyroid gland in the front of our throat regulates metabolism and energy. I recently learned my body is home to an autoimmune disease that has shut down my thyroid. Furthermore, my immune system creates antibodies to attack my thyroid when it tries to turn back on. There is no cure. It doesn’t go away. There is only lifelong management, daily medication, and a new normal. I don't feel qualified to discuss the medical details of the disease, I’m still reeling and researching, I’m simply here to thank The Universe for the lessons my new reality is teaching me.

By not expressing my fully authentic voice, I was slowly killing myself. Literally and spiritually.

The task The Universe has lovingly handed to me is one of reconciliation with my own voice. The need for this healing sits literally in my diseased thyroid / throat, and sits spiritually in the expression of my fully authentic voice. The metaphysical correlation between the two is real and it's urgent. I felt that correlation wash over me the instant the fourth specialist I'd visited looked up from my seventh round of lab results and said, "Hashimoto's Hypothyroiditis," touching her throat.

I show distrust of my authentic voice whenever I live by rules I didn't create for myself. I neglect my authentic voice when I say yes but feel no. I disrespect my authentic voice when I strive to align my life with people's opinions of who I should be. I abuse my authentic voice when I numb out in any number of unhealthy ways and mask shame with meticulously curated perfectionism. In true perfectionist fashion, I've absolutely mastered all of it. I've carried on for decades.

The disease is genetically inherited (my mom was diagnosed one month before I was), but what I need to forgive is the fact that I am still responsible for much of what fed this disease for years prior to my diagnosis. I've built a successful career in higher education in which I use my voice all day every day; a voice that is intelligent and insightful, expert even. I was traveling and consulting nationally, keynoting conferences in packed hotel ballrooms when I was 24 years old. I completed a Master's degree on my own time and dime, and became a department head by age 27 because I wanted to lend my voice to big visions and change the system. I worked 60-hour weeks for a decade straight because I was driven, obsessive compulsive, and mistakenly thought I could handle it. I've stood my ground and ended relationships with the anemic religion of my youth and the disrespectful men of my twenties. No one who knows me would accuse me of being passive; but while I can cite all that active expression in my life, what I need to forgive myself for is simultaneously frying my adrenals, destroying what little thyroid I had, ignoring my body's requests to slow down, and pushing aside my fully authentic voice, telling her "someday."

No more someday. Now.

My authentic voice is now clear about the life I actually want to live. My authentic voice has unapologetically declared my intention to quit my job and travel the world. My authentic voice knows that living the life I want to live is not irresponsible, it's not selfish, it's not naive or shortsighted. It's brave. Period. My authentic voice knows the work that needs to be done is really fucking hard and really fucking scary. I don't know what it looks like to not have a full-time job providing my salary and health insurance. I don't know what it looks like to travel the world with an autoimmune disease that requires specific medications and treatments. I don't know how my body will react to the piles of new prescriptions pumping through her right now. I just don't know.

But here's the magic of speaking from my fully authentic voice: I don't need to know. 

The Universe is welcoming me with open arms, thrilled that I've made it this far. I can feel it with every chronically fatigued, shaky cell in my body. She'll take care of it. I will live my way into the answers. I will make this path by walking. My new mantra is what Jen Sincero writes in You Are A Badass: "Your job isn't to know The How, it's to know The What." I am crystal clear on my What. My declaration is made. It's happening. Living my way into The How is now my co-creative tango with The Universe.

Don’t you cry for the lost. Smile for the living. Get what you need and give what you’re given. You know life's for the living so live it, or you’re better off dead. (listen to Passenger sing one of my favorite songs)  

Love and lots of healing,
me

A word on clarity, declarations, and the power of your voice (part one)

I've been in a declarative mood as of late. Perhaps it was the sun in Leo's lion providing vicarious courage. Perhaps it's Mars in Scorpio, forcing a warrior spirit to wrestle everything into the light. Perhaps it's the culmination of years of quiet dreaming finally overflowing its threshold. Perhaps I'm now crystal clear about how I do and do not want to spend my life. Most likely it's all of the above in a perfect storm. Declaring to myself and others that I plan to eventually quit my job and travel the world is scary and exhilarating. It's also a game changer, the declaration alone. I've learned a few things, deep deep down in my bones learned, since making that declaration. Namely:

Declare. Do the hard work that clarity requires...then declare the shit out of your dreams. 

Danielle LaPorte is my spirit animal. The Desire Map is without a doubt the most radical paradigm shift I've ever experienced. I was raised in an organized religion, left of my own accord in my early twenties, spent a decade rebuilding a worldview on my own terms; and yet not even that paradigm shift compares to The Desire Map blowing my world wide open.

Every creation the world has ever known, from a lightbulb to wheels to the Mona Lisa, began with a desire of some kind. Likewise, everything you want to create in your life begins with a desire. Every desire must be defined and clarified and refined and seared into a new way of life, a daily practice. It's not casual wanting, or listless hoping that some day something will happen. It's active. This desire is a living thing. It defines you as you're defining it. You're co-creating with The Universe. Woah. Dude, I know.

The reason you need to be crystal clear about your desires is because...

The Universe not only pays attention to your desires, she wants all of it for you as much as you want it for yourself. Probably more. 

I wrote about the energy that shifted the moment I declared that I plan to eventually quit my job and travel the world. What I mean by "shifting energy" is that since making that declaration, it's all I can do to simply keep up with The Universe. She was waiting. Patiently. For years. She knew this was coming. She hoped I'd get here. She hoped I'd be courageous enough to realize admit this is what I want need. By the time I did finally catch up and own the full declaration of it all, she came flooding in. I can actually hear her sigh of relief, "Yes...this. It's so time for this. You have no idea the degree of awesomeness that's about to overtake every inch of your life." She's so stoked that I'm dialed in to the possibilities she sees for me. What does that flood look like? Opportunities to travel*, resources to learn and grow and keep my vibration high**, a serious medical diagnosis that's a terrifying blessing in disguise***, abundant support from strangers as well as friends, financial avenues that three weeks ago I didn't know even existed, and the deep satisfaction of knowing that I nailed it. I'm aligned. I'm in the zone. There's no going back now. Had I not been crystal clear with my desires, I could have and would have pursued any number of paths that might be fine, but not this right.

I'll be back soon with part two of this post, re: the correlation between my diagnosis and the power of our voice. I'll bring a lot of love (both gentle and tough) and permission with me. Stay tuned. Until then, wise words from author and civil rights leader Howard Thurman:

Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Love and desire,
me


* Exciting news about the next step in my travel writing career coming soon. 
** I'll share these resources in a separate post coming soon.
*** I'll practice what I preach and speak with courage about my diagnosis in part two of this post.

Live + Learn: I Desire Mapped Half the Year Away

{ this post is part of the desire map series // you're invited }

July is nearly over. You guys. July. Is. Nearly. Over. Where did 2014 go? Oh right, I've been out of town until basically now. I'm also convinced the earth is spinning faster, but that's another theory for another day. When I first dove into The Desire Map in January, I intended to post monthly about the process of establishing Core Desired Feelings, trying to live them, how they shift over time. Guess what though...it's like bottling lightning. I've learned that this process cannot be contained or properly explained. It's pure magic. It's sacred. It's fluid and subtle and profound. When it truly becomes a foundational paradigm in your life, it's like trying to explain what salt tastes like.

That having been said, the irony is that I've been using the distinctly quantifiable Desire Map 2014 Day Planner every single day since 01 January. The dichotomy between inexplicable, etherial magic and mapping out every day of your life is a tension I've learned to hold. Robert Fritz refers to this as the work of structural tension. The point is that the daily planning...isn't actually the point. The intention - and the tension between current reality and your desired outcome - is the point. You're raising your frequency because you're intentionally partnering with The Universe to create something that is simultaneously your design and beyond anything you could've imagined. Yes, I just capitalized The Universe. It's a thing. Trust me. I also have a citrine crystal near my laptop as a write this. Also a thing. Google it.

In March I spent a week in the Hopi lands. At a sunrise healing ceremony with an elder shaman I learned about the tradition of offering a prayer of white corn meal to the four directions as the sun peeks up over the mesa. 

In February I morphed my CDFs from a list into a mantra, but even that short statement has shifted over time. "Your desire is a prayer. Be open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and spiritual alignment." Since then I've more fully owned the experience with a shift in accountability: "MY desires are prayers." The mantra is also no longer instructive, but empowered: "I AM open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health..." Even aligning myself spiritually isn't sufficient. I want a direct "source flow" - through me, through me, through me, literal energy flowing through me in cycles from a source I've come to believe in completely. As of July:

My desires are prayers. I am open to magic, abundance, creativity, freedom, health, and source flow.

In another example of how raising my frequency shifted my perception of what's possible: "Creativity" may soon become "creation." It was originally referencing artistic creativity and the many passion projects I engage in. It's since become about creation in the purest sense of the word. I may create a painting. I may create a blog post. But increasingly so, I may also create a career as a travel writer. That will be a creative way to support myself and spend my days, but the power comes in the fact that if I make it, that will be A Creation in itself. I'm feeling more and more ready to own the fact that a focus on artistic creativity alone was selling myself short. It's time to manifest some serious shit. Alright, The Remainder Of 2014. You and me. Let's do this.

Love and pure desires,
me

A New Year. The Desire Map. Feelings That Aren't Feeling-y Enough.

Since my last post I spent a week in New Orleans, a week in Southern California, and have now ushered in the new year at home in Salt Lake City. Photos of these trips will be posted shortly, btw. For now, however, I need to talk to you about The Desire Map.

I've posted about The Desire Map on this site before; primarily declaring that I knew it was out there, skating around it because I'm afraid of it, and acknowledging it would kick my emotional ass once I let it. Well, friends, I'm finally tackling it. I read it on all of my plane rides to and fro. I spent the entire day today (01 January 2014!) making my way through the workbook and trying to settle on my Core Desired Feelings. I also committed to my power word for 2014.

My power word and my experience with The Desire Map are so cosmically intertwined that I cannot talk about one and not the other. My 2013 power word was ABUNDANCE. I focused on (re)training my brain out of a scarcity mindset and believing and trusting and knowing there's enough of everything and all of that jazz. Well, The Universe flooded me with abundance and I now need to get out of my own way. I need to let it all flow through me and stop trying to control it, second guess it, one up it, over analyze it, and generally screw it up. Entre my 2014 power word: OPEN. My 2014 power phrase, more accurately: OPEN TO MAGIC.

I'm an academic through and through. Over half my life has been spent in school, college, a graduate program, professional certification courses, and my entire professional career has been built within the academy as well. The concept of magic, of faith, of things that cannot be explained, of something happening that I myself did not create and control...it's all a bit foreign. At least, it feels more foreign to me now that it ever has before. I think I used to be open. I think I used to be open to magic even. I used to be quite a romantic, really. You'd never know it if you met me for the first time today. Even though, at my core, I'm divinely feminine and unnervingly intuitive, the woman you'd meet on the street today is rational and precise and hyper logical and in control and pulled together and cynical and on top of it and you get the idea. I need to soften it up a bit. I need to be open again, open to letting all the energy and abundance flow in and out and around me, fluid and flexible. I need to let myself lean in to a bit of magic.

Enter my desire mapping process. I read the entire book. I powered through over a hundred workbook pages. I color coded. I dog eared. I post-it tabbed. I rocked it. I'm doing this. I'm making a list of Core Desired Feelings. I'm researching the etymology and combing through the thesaurus. I'm coding my qualitative research and identifying patterns. I'm failing already. I end up with a final list of words that make perfect sense and accurately identify my Core Desired Feelings, but they have no razzle dazzle, no sex, no magic, no...emotion. Hashtag irony. My entire mantra for the year is to be OPEN TO MAGIC and I've created the perfect list of core desired feelings...that don't feel like anything. They are not vulnerable. They are not open. They are not magical. Well, fuck.

I leave it for a while. I watch a few episodes of The Daily Show on hulu while I cook and laugh it off. When I return to the list I tell myself, "You're not being honest. Just say it. 'In Communion' is the perfect phrase for what you want to feel at your core, but to you the words feel patriarchal and Catholicish. So what if it's perfect...if it doesn't feel perfect to you?! Just say it. Be as simple as possible." I re-do the list three more times.

As of now, my Core Desired Feelings, including my 2014 power phrase:

OPEN TO MAGIC

ABUNDANT

CREATIVE

STRONG

FREE

SPIRITUALLY CENTERED

I waffled between "abundance" and "abundant" for a good 45 minutes. I'm still waffling. I had "healthy" in the list, but know that "strong" will get my ass to the gym with greater gusto. I discussed my reaction to the phrase I lovehate: "in communion." I had four iterations of my list that included "secure/free" as one word. That whole "secure/free" thing is a barrel of monkeys I will unpack throughout this whole year, but for now, I'm committed to the core core core, which is free.

In all honesty, I still don't think I'm there yet. I still don't feel these words are the very core of me. I still sense they are masking a bit of...something. I do know, however, that done is better than perfect. I also know that I will work through a month with these words and revisit them. I also also know that as I unravel more and more and more layers of my 2014 power phrase, I will inevitably unravel more and more and more layers of my desired feelings. I'll reach the core. I'm not there yet, but I will be.

I will be.

Love and desire,
me

Examining Creative Patterns + Myths

While I started my 2013 Happiness Project with the power word "abundance," it quickly sprouted a supplemental focus: creativity. I've been working my way back into creative spaces that come naturally for me, but that I had suppressed into a deficit. This focus has led me to take up the hobby of acrylic painting, it brought about an artistic collaboration with a dear friend, it put out enough energy that Craft Lake City called me in to concoct a guest blogger series, it has raised my frequency (as original badass Jen Sincero would say) and ushered in all sorts of goodness. However, over the last couple months, the concept of creativity has become negatively loaded. I think it built to a head after the Robert Fritz CREATING workshop. Parenthetical: No, the irony is not lost on me.

I've come to admit that when I overlay this renewed creative spirit onto my Type A Over-achiever personality, the pure joy of surrendering to generative energy gets lost a bit. Suddenly, my painting has to lead to something and will I sell at farmer's markets and how do I monetize the hobby and when will I possibly find time to paint every day when the light is right and I'm stuck in the office and how will I ever license my work to appear on iPhone cases and lumbar pillows and ... Hashtag scarcity mindset. I know. It's obvious. I'm even hyper aware of it the exact moment my brain spins out. But it still spins out.

In reflecting on how to get a handle on this, I realized that when I uncovered my second power word, I told myself that reconnecting with creativity meant I was now A Creative All The Time Like That Is My New Reality.

It doesn't work that way. As it turns out.

Reading a recent post by Danielle LaPorte was like getting smacked across the face with a You're Welcome reality check. "As artists," she writes, "we have patterns of creating. A way we typically make things happen. A style in which we pull ideas down from the ethers and put them into form." Wait. What? You mean my creativity can have it's own pattern? That means the Type A Over-acheiver pattern that I'm dragging home with me from a fierce day at the office does not have to be the same pattern that paints pretty pictures? Huh.

Seems obvious, right? Yeah, sure, it does now.

Danielle identifies a few creative patterns:

Pounds at possibilities like a stick on a piñata until it rains down candies of goodness.

Plods like an ox and patiently awaits the harvest.

Falls in love again and again with ideas and people and keeps falling in love every time.

Dances with harmony, always looking for the most beautiful solution and energetic alignment.

Moves mountains no matter what listening to heavy metal or Madam Butterfly cranked in the background.

I think I'm somewhere between falling in love and dancing with harmony. As a hippie dippie Libra who prattles on constantly about balance and the vibration of things, I think love and alignment are pretty accurate. I think there's more nuance to that - I can see myself in other patterns, and can even imagine patterns that she didn't write about - but it's a good place to start the investigation. In other words, I may move mountains to pound away at pinatas all day at work, but I think the core of my soul is far more gentle and carries a different energy entirely.

She goes on to say, "When you identify your Creativity Pattern you’ve got a very powerful opportunity: Change the way you get stuff done because it’s killing you, or keep mastering your tao of doing because it’s getting you beautiful results across the board." The paradox is that the mountain mover way I get stuff done at work and the way I achieved a MA, homeownership, national consulting career, my third passport, and being the boss lady all before age 30...works. But it works in a very one-dimensional way. When Danielle talks about getting results, the pinata pounding certainly gets results; however, it is simultaneously killing me. Figuratively, when we talk about my creative soul, and literally, when we talk about ignoring health concerns because I can't make a pit stop on the fast track to where the hell ever. My tao is somewhere in the love and alignment realm. That means, in practical terms, that I can't burn out at work all day and come home and expect my energy to align with an hour of painting simply because that's what Siri tells me is up next on the calendar. Which raises more systemic questions about my priorities and career, but that's another post entirely.

After Danielle's post cracked me wide open, the next resource came flooding in and showed me how to actually move forward with these ideas. I came across "Everything You Thought You Knew About Creativity Is Wrong" -- bingo. David Goldstein and Otto Kroeger published a book connecting the Myers-Briggs Type Indicators to creative patterns. Love it. They also identified five big myths about creativity:

Myth No.1:
Stepping outside your comfort zone is the best way to elicit creativity. {tweet}

Myth No.2: 
Brainstorming sessions are the best way to come up with brilliant ideas. {tweet}

Myth No.3:
Being creative means being spontaneous. {tweet}

Myth No.4: 
Creative people must invent something new. (tweet} 

Myth No.5:
Creativity means having a finished product. {tweet} 

In other words, Self, even though you've made incredible strides this year, you're hitting a threshold now because you've essentially been pounding away with the mis-guided belief that those five statements, to the letter, were how you needed to handle creativity. Myths. A revelation. Done.

Now it's time to create, or rather discover, my own creative pattern. It's also time to clickety click and read the kindle version of Goldstein & Kroeger's book. No more guilt. No more "I should be painting right now" and no more "I have to write that post tonight" -- find the pattern that will sustain me over the long haul.

Love and alignment,
me

Creating: Studying the work of Robert Fritz

Along with four friends, I recently completed a three-workshop course on the work of Robert Fritz, namely his theory of Structural Dynamics. In summary, when it comes to creating what you want in your life, motivation is virtually irrelevant. Fritz believes that structures define behavior. Think of structure as a river bed that carries the flow and energy of water. If you want the flow and energy of your life to move in a certain direction or behave in a certain way, you need to structurally modify the river bed. Get all Army Corps of Engineers on it. Dig it up. Move it. Rebuild it. Don't give the water the option to flow in any other direction but that of fulfilling your dreams.

Seems simple, right? Seems logical and obvious? Sure. Of course it is. But try doing it. Try unpacking every single aspect of your life that is not as overwhelmingly awesome as you want it to be and then restructure every single aspect of your life around the eventual fulfillment of your overwhelmingly awesome future reality. Sort of intense.

Yet the reason his theory of Structural Dynamics initially seems simple to us is because it strikes the cord of universal truth. In our core, we know he's right. Structures absolutely matter. We're responsible for the structures we allow into and create for our life. His leading question is: Does your life structure work to your advantage, or does it somehow work against your best efforts?

Try it. Ask yourself: Does the goal matter enough to you to structure your entire life around it? {tweet}

As one examines structures to determine whether or not they're built to achieve at the ideal reality, Fritz inserts an additional consideration, that of advancing or oscillating patterns. Also structural in nature, these two patterns will make or break our efforts to create the life we want. The advancing structure is one in which "the success you have achieved becomes the platform for future success. You can build momentum over time, and the sum total of your life experiences leads you forward." Whereas, in an oscillating structure "the success you have created is neutralized. Each step forward is followed by a step backward. Within this structure, success cannot succeed long term." Furthermore, once you're tuned in to all this jazz, you can even predict the point of reversal in an oscillating structure. In reference to the Kate Swoboda video I posted a couple days ago, she identifies a list of excuses that not only tie to fear, but that are also essentially pivot points of oscillating structures.

Fritz argues passionately about the need to do the work of Structural Dynamics in our lives. He pleads with us to align the river beds of our life to flow into our overwhelmingly awesome goals...because too many people bury their dreams in order to become realistic. In his words:

You cannot dedicate your life's energy to a compromise. {tweet}

So what now? We need to master the mechanics of creating the life we want, and that involves creating purposeful tension. More about that in part two.

Love and brave questions,
me

Owning the Fear.

I've been reflecting a lot lately (off-line, mostly) about fallow versus fertile creativity and also about fear. I think my brain is gearing up for a post, but for now, watch this video from Kate Swoboda of Your Courageous Life. It's resonating.

I recently participated in a workshop series with four of my girlfriends. I mentioned it only briefly on this site, but those thoughts have also been brewing into a post that will come soon. There's something to be said about oscillating patterns of behavior that keep you from advancing success upon success upon success...and what Kate is discussing in the video below is a close cousin to that idea. I like that she calls out our usual list of excuses as nothing but fear. I've been working a lot this year on understanding that everything - absolutely everything - basically breaks down into love or fear, abundance or scarcity. Naming scarcity and fear helps set us on a different path to getting past our own bullshit.

Anyway, all of that is percolating. More soon. For now, enjoy Kate!

Love and more love, 

me

Humor helps. #mondaymeditation

Along with four of my girlfriends, I'm participating in a series of workshops based on the work of Robert Fritz. Specifically, we're reading his text Your Life as Art, and learning his framework of structural dynamics as a way to create what it is we want in our lives. The courses are taught by consultant / management coach Paula Ruffy. All of that might sound like a bit of word soup right now, but I'm planning a series of posts that will share with you what I'm learning through this adventure. We've only had one out of three total sessions so far and it's already pure awesomeness.

In the meantime, because I like to post meditation-ish posts on Mondays, I'll share this gem. It's stupid. It's funny. It helps me not take myself too seriously. I can get really wrapped up in the perceived weightiness of this whole mediative spiritual adventure. I mean, we're only exploring the whole meaning of life and stuff. This puts it all back in perspective...

Scroll through all 33 of these silly photos. It's worth a few chuckles and 2.5 minutes of your time.

Love and affirmations,
me

5 Sutras of the Aquarian Age

This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. Everybody sing! When the moooon is in the Seventh House, and Jupiter aligns with Maaaaars...

Okay, but seriously though, I spent an hour online with Gabriel Bernstein last night and today's #mondaymeditation is all about her recent keynote at the Wanderlust Festival.


 


She is a student of Yogi Bhajan's Kundalini Yoga, the guru known for ushering in the Aquarian Age. If your hippie flag doesn't fly quite as high as mine, the Aquarian Age is also known as the age of awakening. It's a pressure cooker, as Gabby describes it, of intense energy, consciousness, new paradigms, and a more authentic way of living with the earth and each other. It's an age of people deciding to become who they truly are. It's also, as she says, "not a time for creating disciples. This is a time for creating teachers and storytellers." The Aquarian Age has a feminine energy that's all about aligning yourself to the vibrations of The Universe (as opposed to convincing yourself that you are living your life well by mastering and conquering and controlling and other such masculine vibes).

Not to get lost in those weeds, whether you think it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo or whether you've tuned in, the five sutras (or threads/knots) of the age are still wise words. I'm sharing the notes that I scribbled as she spoke. Some bits are direct quotations and some bits are my reflections on what she said.

Sutra One: Recognize the other person is you 

What we admire in others is a part of ourselves that we haven't fully developed yet. The light you see in someone else is an expression of the light you actually have within you. Pay attention to who inspires you and then learn to express that fully. What we don't like in others, on the other hand, is a disowned part of our shadow. Instead of attacking yourself or the other person, let yourself get to work and fix that part of your shadow. The more you wake up, the less you can vibrate with that crap anyway. It will start to make you sick to be around negative energy and you'll have less of it in your life.

Sutra Two: There is a way through every block 

Tap into the conscious part of yourself that actually believes this. Clear all the clutter and chatter out of the way until you get to your core, where you know this is true. You'll be given creative ways to get through any block. Let creative spiritual energy flow through you and get out of your own way. Fear blocks everything. Love clears the way for everything.

Sutra Three: When the time is on you, start, and the pressure will be off

The Aquarian Age is a pressure cooker. You are not alone in feeling the intensified vibrations. Stop freaking out, stop trying to plan to the last detail what you're supposed to do about it, and stop trying to control everything. Just start. Start. Do something. Take a step in the direction you want to go. The pressure will be off as soon as you start, and the next step will unfold. Stop planning. Just go. Don't play small, either. Once you go for it, go.

Sutra Four: Understand through compassion or you will misunderstand the times

You don't truly know anyone's story. Everyone is fighting a hard battle. If you turn your back on people and if you fight back, you will misunderstand the energy of the times. "In my defenselessness my safety lies." The ego is the darkest and weakest part of us. We are safer and more secure when we let that go and feel defenseless (ie stripped of ego). The Universe will step in.

Sutra Five: Vibrate with the cosmos and the cosmos shall clear the path

When you're irrational, you're not vibrating with the cosmos. Thinking you are in total control of everything around you is irrational. You have to tap into The Universe around you and get out of your own crazy. You can decide in any given moment to vibrate high or low frequency. Whatever you're vibrating is coming right back at you like a boomerang. High frequency: Abundance, trust, love. Low frequency: Scarcity, fear, freak out.


OM. Love,
me

My Declaration: Trust

The sequencing of topics in The Declaration of You is so brilliant. After spending the summer making a series of declarations, the elephant in the room seems to be: "Now what? How can all this awesomeness actually happen?" Thinking about the next steps beyond the bloglovin' book tour, a scarcity mindset starts freaking out, trying to control the what, the how, the whole of it. An abundant mindset, on the other hand, trusts that it will all happen. Abundance is not passive, though. It's hard, proactive work. But it's calm, knowing and trusting that it will all happen. Enter...

Illustration by the lovely Jessica Swift.

As my final declaration of the series, want to recap each declaration I've made along the way. This time, I want to declare my trust in everything I've worked toward this summer. Ready? (she says to herself) Okay. Go.

Enthusiasm

I trust that recommitting myself to the importance of my core passions in life will bring opportunities that I can't even conceive of yet. I trust that the time and energy I spend reclaiming my creativity is time and energy well spent. I trust that if I focus my creative energy on writing, photography, travel, and building community, I will be a happy happy girl. {read the original Declaration of Enthusiasm}

Uniquity

"Why we all gotta look, gotta act the same? I say if you're born a lion, don't bother trying to act tame" (Ani DiFranco). I trust that when I speak my truth, like attracts like. I will live life as the most authentic version of myself and trust that the people who are meant to walk that path with me, will. I trust that living out loud will lead to a rich, abundant life. {read the original Declaration of Uniquity}

Intention

I trust that I've done the best I could do with the knowledge I had at the time; and wanting to set new intentions now is an act of creation and love. I trust The Universe enough to set the intentions I really truly want to set. I trust The Universe enough to set the intentions that scare me. I trust myself to pour a whole lot of love into those intentions. I trust that as I let go of (my illusion of) control and get out of my own way, The Universe will fill in the gaps. {read the original Declaration of Intention}

Self-care

No one else is going to take care of me. It's called self-care for a reason. I trust myself to know what I need and I trust myself to be able to take of it. I trust that one of the best ways to make myself happy is to make other's happy; however, I also trust that in order to do that I need to be happy myself. I trust that time and energy committed to self-care will allow me to more fully care for those I love, including myself. {read the original Declaration of Self-care}

Success

I trust myself to recreate a definition of success that works for me now and supports the new goals I'm setting for my life. I know that passion matters deeply when it comes to success and so I will assess what I can let go of, only keeping what works for me now. I trust that career moves that might look like a step backward, can actually be a step forward in a new direction. I trust that The Universe holds abundant possibilities and will help me let go of the old paradigms of success that I've outgrown. {read the original Declaration of Success}

Money

I will accept money simply for what it is: A tool. I know that wanting it doesn't make me greedy and getting (a lot of) it doesn't make me a douchebag. I trust that I can declare exactly the kind of life I want and I can appreciate money as the energy to help me do it. I trust that as I raise my frequency and increase my awareness of what's possible, I will also open myself up to the means to accomplish it. I trust that money will flow in and out of my life as needed. {read the original Declaration of Money}

Celebration

I know that the connection between celebration, marking the passage of time, and self-care is important to me. I know that when I get off balance, it's because I'm not pausing and I'm not marking time. I trust that when I give myself permission to reflect and be grateful, to pause, celebrate, shift gears, and re-dedicate my energy in a new direction, I will grow and find new adventures to celebrate. {read the original Declaration of Celebration}

Trust

Dear Self,  

I love you. You got this. Trust that.

xo,
me 

The Fine Print: The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, giving readers the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, to discover how they and their gifts are unique, and to uncover what they are meant to do! 

Pre-order your copy now. Learn more by clicking here.

RSVP on Facebook!

Viral Mindfulness #mondaymeditation

As part of the artistic collaboration I'm working on with Alexander, last week we meditated on our own 2013 power word, and tonight we meditated on each other's word. Alexander's power word(s) is Viral Mindfulness. Alexander is a clinical social worker turned life coach and motivational speaker. He also happens to be one of the most creative, artistic, and all around fabulous people I known. He's created a coaching brand and three-fold platform around his concept of viral mindfulness. The following links will take you to YouTube videos of Alexander in action, btw. Spreading Strokes is about practice, practice, practice (more on that later). Spreading Sit is about meditation (more on that, too). Spreading Slogans is about sharing nuggets of wisdom.

As I wrote in a previous post, I'm using painting as a way to retrain my mind out of a scarcity paradigm and come to fully understand abundance. Over the past week I painted on multiple occasions (even on tired busy weeknights) and each time I purposefully covered a previous layer of my canvas in some way and to some degree.

After I painted the first night, I covered the whole canvas in blue paint and left it. When I came back the next night, I added random gold sunburst things and red track marks. For no particular reason. That's the point.

No attachment. No fear that I messed it up. I'm purposefully painting random shapes and colors so that no one (mostly myself) can look at it and say, "That's clearly not a cat. Cats don't look like that. That's a bad cat." Randomness allows me to simply enjoy the feel of paint on a canvas. That and I can't draw cats. No fear that I'm losing something by painting over it. No fear that I can't possibly create something beautiful again.

The next night I painted a random leaf flower tree thing right on top of my sunbursts. Why not?

Alexander talks about cultivating, strengthening, and practicing new patterns of thought. The idea to Spread Strokes by embarking on a painting adventure is an act of meditation (Spreading Sit) for me. I'm "flirting with fear," as he would say, and I'm blasting right through it with new layers of paint and new habits. Okay, so I realize that paint on a canvas is a low-stakes controlled experiment with all of these concepts, but that's not the point. Start somewhere. Just start.

Whenever I'm done painting a new shape, I turn the canvas in a different direction. It's all about practicing detachment, and shutting down my controlling OCD brain. Let it go. Just turn the canvas and let it be something new. Now it's not a tree that I need to somehow protect and not mess up. It's just a shape.

Layers and layers and layers.

When I came back to the painting tonight, I felt weirdly attached to my little tree thing. Maybe I should just be done, I said. Maybe I should put a bird on it (then move to Portland), I said. Maybe that's pretty enough and I shouldn't mess it up, I said. But then, since I was paint-meditating on Alexander's power words tonight, I heard him telling me to "smile at my fear." I recognized that I was being crazy and letting a scarcity mindset take over. So instead, I let red paint smear all over the corner and I let blue circle stencils cover up my tree. That's Spreading Strokes, folks. It's all about the realization that "new habits and fresh thoughts expand with repeated effort."

Why stop there? Smear some metallic purple. Make some white arrow shapes. Just go.

Rotate. Continue. And done for the night.

As I proofread this post in preparation to publish it, I realize that I sound a bit crazy. A lot bit crazy. But guess what? That's because it IS crazy. All of this attachment and fear and control (illusion of) and scarcity is certifiably crazy. It's contrary to real real reality and that's why it sounds so nutso to us at our core. This realization is just like my revelation about meditation: Our natural state is calm and blissed out. Meditation doesn't bring anything to us, it only helps us clear away layers of gunk from our unbalanced lives. In other words, our natural state is also abundant and creative and in the moment and not attached to random silliness like tree shapes on a canvas. All the hamsters spinning on their bullshit wheels, as I'm known to say, are telling us otherwise, but that's the craziness. We do actually live in an abundant world; it's just taking a bit of viral mindfulness practice to help me see it fully.

Love and layers,
me

Channeling mandala energy #mondaymeditation

In last Monday's meditation I reflected on my first-ever painting experience: "I got all precious with each layer and felt attached to each little brush stroke." This specific experience was really a microcosm of my larger focus for this year -- abundance. I'm using painting not only as a way to reignite my creative chutzpah, but also as a way to retrain my mind out of a scarcity paradigm.

I wrote last week: "I'm going to allow my mind to let go of each layer, trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it." As I painted tonight, a sort of movement meditation, I worked my way through all sorts of nuanced thoughts that are part and parcel of my commitment to abundance. I thought about trust, letting go of my sense of control, and allowing energy to flow more freely in and around and through my life.

mise en place

When I was done for the day, I completely painted over the entire canvas with a fresh layer of paint. The red flowers and leaves are gone. The yellow shapes inspired by my kalamkari curtains are gone. Gone. All of it. It was important to me to treat this first layer like a mandala; not in a representational sense, because I wasn't mimicking mandala patterns, but in the sense that when it was complete, it was gone. It was beautiful. It was a creative experience. The colors were lovely. It flowed in and now, it flowed out.

Before I did anything, I set my intention for the piece. then painted right over it.

Trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it, I'll see where tomorrow takes me.

xo,
me

What acrylic paints are teaching me about abundance #mondaymeditation

Alexander and I are gearing up to launch a collaborative art adventure. In doing so, we're focusing on our power words as a muse for the project. For 2013 he chose viral mindfulness and I chose abundance. I can point to a few scattered posts about abundance since the year started, but probably none as direct as the "I'm wearing pink lace panties" post. And yet, even though I haven't written a lot about abundance directly, it's been an overarching theme that's guiding my quest to regain creative mojo.

In preparation to start working with Alexander, I've reflected on my first-ever painting adventure. I realize now that although it was very joyful and very creative, it was not very abundant. To explain what I mean, I'll contrast it to a painting experience I had last night. I went to Paint Mixer in Park City with my friend Meg. This was the second time ever I've put paint to canvas, and it was entirely different from my first experience.

For whatever reason(s), my first painting experience felt loaded with expectations. I started with the end in mind and I painted toward it. I was scared to mix colors because I thought I'd mess it up. I got all precious with each layer and felt attached to each little brush stroke. I went in thinking I wanted a thousand layers of stuff, only to stop myself short because I was painting with a scarcity mindset. My experience in the class last night was exactly the opposite and I sustained an abundant mindset throughout. Meaning: I ditched the teacher's template about two minutes in and just made it up as I went. I layered and layered and had no idea how it would end up looking. I rocked out to the music, sang along, marveled at Meg's talents (she's an actual painter), and had very little investment in the end product. I mean, I paid for the Groupon months ago, so whatever, right?

So. Painting. Abundance. Life Lesson. 

The Dalai Lama said, "Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering." A scarcity mindset is the very definition of attachment. It holds on to everything because it's afraid to lose, it's afraid it will never get another shot at this, it's afraid to trust any sort of process. It's an illusion of control. An abundant mindset is detached in the sense that each moment is what it is, the end result is something that's sorted out through the nature of the process, the focus is on the flow of it all. As I enter my collaboration with Alexander, I'm going to promise myself no less than 10 layers of stuff on that canvas. I'm going to paint little bits at a time and leave it. Walk away. I'm going to allow my mind to let go of each layer, trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it. I will trust that there is no "messing it up" because at that point, that just is what the painting is. It just is what it is. And it's beautiful.

Love and layers,
me

No worries | The Blog Dare Day 26

{PROMPT} It is nothing to worry about.

One of the meditations I practiced this week went a little something like this:

If it will ultimately work out, then there's nothing to worry about. If it's not going to work out the way you would like, and you can't do anything to change that, then there's no point in worrying about it anyway. 

That is a far less graceful articulation than Deepak, but you get the idea.

Love,
me


This post is part of The Blog Dare series.

The Creative Collaboration Begins | The Blog Dare Day 24

{PROMPT} Let's get going!

I promise I'm happy, I've just never used FaceTime.
Getting it sorted took concentration, apparently.
This photographer prefers to be behind the camera.
And yes, I'm wearing a black lace camisole. Deal.

Today marks the start of something exciting. I'm launching an artistic collaboration with my friend Alexander. You can find his work and inspiring Bless Your Virus story on his website and on the Viral Mindfulness blog.

We're kindred creative souls in many ways. I cannot say enough about his light and warmth, it vibrates. We've decided to manifest all of our creative kindredness into a highly collaborative art project. It will involve meditation and writing and painting and sketching and growing and swapping of projects and all sorts of goodies yet to be revealed. I've painted once in my life. Once. So...this will be a whole new world of awesome. This is exactly the right outlet for me at exactly the right time.

The starting point for our work will be our respective power words. My 2013 power word is abundance. I regret I haven't done as much reflection and writing around that word as I'd hoped to do, so this is perfect. I first mused on abundance at the very beginning of the year...

I'm wearing pink lace panties, was the title of the post. It went something like this: "My power word is abundance. This focus on abundance led me to wear pink lace panties today. What? Yes. Because they've been in my dresser drawer, tags on, since I purchased them. Turns out, that's not a very abundant thing to do." I went on to admit: "Something I've understood intellectually for years, but I'm still trying to actually manifest in my life, is the trust it takes to do that, to let things go. I haven't fully figured out why I hold on to things that make no logical sense to hold on to, but I'm slowly practicing abundance..." {keep reading}

It's nearly July. I've thought about abundance, a lot. I've manifested it, sort of. I haven't directly written about it since that first post (though all these posts are the kissing cousins of abundance). Our collaboration is the perfect opportunity, medium, and space for me to finally start to get my mind, and my creative juices, around this massive concept.

Stay tuned, y'all. It's going to be epic.

Love,
me (+ Alexander)


This post is part of The Blog Dare series.

My Declaration: Intention

The Declaration of You book tour is in full swing. If you haven't already checked out their press page, you should definitely head over there and be inspired. There are some truly awesome people making some truly awesome declarations. Today, it's my turn to discuss...

illustration by the lovely Jessica Swift.

I'm a very intentional person, if I do say so myself. I'm a hyper organized planner, goal setter, getter, and to-do list checker (not, as it turns out, the sexiest tagline for an online dating profile*). Two of the questions the lovely authors asked the book tour bloggers: "How often do you set intentions? How often do you determine what they need to be?" Following my Type-A logic thus far, I set all sorts of intentions all day long. I set intentions here, here, over here, over there, right here, not to mention the mountains of intention at work, and even my pet projects turn into part-time jobs because I take myself too damn seriously. I regularly and frequently determine what my intentions need to be and update accordingly. Then I re-color code it all, edit my hit list, and get back to work. This manner of intention has manifested an amazing career at a young age, incredible opportunities in my field with national consulting and speaking gigs, publications, home ownership, globetrotting, a graduate degree, on and on.

But guess what? And this has been an ironic lesson a long time in the making for me:  All of that intention...wasn't actually very intentional. I never associated all of my actions with the law of attraction. I was young and arrogant enough to assume that I was simply creating all of these opportunities and successes for myself. To a degree, that's true. To a greater degree, I was putting energy into the universe...and the universe was manifesting back to me exactly what I was asking for. The irony is that I didn't entirely realize and intend and decide upon and own what I was asking for. I didn't intend to ask for 60-hour work weeks. I didn't intend to ask for a sub-par romantic life because I couldn't be bothered with all those distractions. I didn't intend to ask for the airport shuttle driver to know me by name and be the friend I see most often. I didn't intend to ask for an administrative position that lacks the creativity I felt in previous roles. I was simply going going going fast on the path that young professionals "should" travel. The growing pains I'm experiencing now are due to the fact that I want to set new and different intentions for my life. Those new and different intentions are not (yet) familiar or comfortable for me. I'm figuring out how to build this plane while flying it.

As for my paradigm-shifting declaration of intention, two things have been washing over me like a giant tidal wave as of late:

Have enough trust in The Universe to set the intentions you really truly want to set. {tweet it}

These are the intentions that scare me. These are the intentions that I rarely share out loud. These are the intentions that I really truly want to set. These are the intentions into which I need to pour a whole lot of love and trust: I want to make photographs and write and travel. For a living. For real. Forever. I want to move to Denmark. I want to dabble in graphic design. I want to wake up next to a tall dark bearded feminist who wants in his life a smart and sassy partner to grow old with. I want to paint and be good at it and have people buy my paintings because they think they're pretty. I do not want to continue grinding out my days in committee meetings where we discuss the formation of committees.

Be more intentional with your intentions. Then get out of the way. {tweet it} 

I've finally, and with hesitant gratitude, hit a wall. I've left myself no choice but to give up on the idea that I'm somehow in total control of manifesting all these new intentions (an idea driven subconsciously by fear and ego, if you want the truth). I'm not in total control. I will never discount the value of doing my research and working hard, but I'm also settling into a new paradigm. I'm settling into a paradigm that finally, finally, finally realizes I need to get over myself and get out of my own way. I've believed in the take action part of intention my whole life, but I've never been good at believing The Universe will fill in the gaps. I've never been good at trusting that when I hand it over, it will eventually come back to me ten fold, or come back to me at all. I can understand the law of attraction intellectually. I know it spiritually. I've seen it happen to other people again and again. And yet letting all that fabulousness flow unobstructed through my own life scares the shit out of me. What if The Universe is on holiday and my intention memo bounces back with her out of office message? What if The Universe is busy with the far more interesting intentions of far more fabulous people all over the world? What if I've pissed off the universe by ignoring her offer to help me all these years? What if I actually get everything I want?

You know what Jen Sincero would say to all that nonsense? After she told me I'm a badass, then she would say:

Set your intention, work steadily in the direction you want to go, do all that you know how to do, believe it’s here and available to you, be diligent about how you speak, think and behave, have faith in yourself and The Universe, and then...drum roll please, this is the super important part...breathe, let it go, fuggetaboutit, give it some damn room to come in. 

Oh wait, she did say exactly that in a blog post earlier this week.

Dear Gail,  

Get out of my way. I got this.  

Love,
The Universe

The Fine Print: The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, giving readers the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, to discover how they and their gifts are unique, and to uncover what they are meant to do! 

Pre-order your copy now. Learn more by clicking here.

RSVP on Facebook!

* No, I have never used anything like that in an online dating profile. You're welcome, Men Of The Internet. You're welcome.

OM | The Blog Dare Day 13

{PROMPT} It's your call. 

I started a meditation practice this week. I'm on day six and I'm really taking to it. The overarching theme, at least the theme that's resonating most with me, is the idea that meditation doesn't actually bring you peace.

Wait. Say what?

Nope. Meditation does not actually attract calm, shiny, nirvana love and light into your life.

When we sit still long enough to quiet our energy and finally get our mind to chill out, we feel more peaceful and calm and joyful and all that. Of course we do. But...that's not something we went out and found or even something we attracted to our life. It is our natural state. We uncovered it. All we managed to do through meditation is clear out all the crap that's cluttering our every day life, everything that's preventing us from living in our chilled out natural state. Meditation, then, is the practice of letting go of anything that disturbs your natural state.

Sure, you're saying right about now, that's obvious. How are you just now learning this, you moron, you may also be saying. Listen. Here's the deal: We tend to associate peace and calm with an achievement, with movement, with seeking and searching and finding it. Think Eat, Pray, Love. Searching. Movement. Active. Go find it. We move we go we travel we pursue peace and we pursue calm. We do this in so many different many ways. I mean, hell, I did it when I signed up for the Chopra Center program. I was moving, I was searching, and I was active in my attempt to find a peaceful calm.

Now - compare that to my realization I shared earlier:

Mediation is being still long enough to clear your mind of everything that prevents you from living in your natural state of calm. 

That is so full of hope. That puts me in such a state of optimism and rainbows. Think about it...it's already here. I already have it. Granted, I have quite a lot of proverbial crap to clear out of the way, but at least I know that at my core I'm calm. Not just on vacation and not just on lazy weekends. All the time. It's in there.

Dear Self, you can keep trucking as is, or you can finally tune in. It's your call.

Love,
me


This post is part of The Blog Dare series.