Trust. Creativity. Antique maps and moolah. #mondaymeditation

We swapped! Alexander has my art and I have his art and now we're arting up each other's art. You can see what I finally mailed to him and watch his reaction to our swap in this video he made. If you're wondering what I'm even talking about right now, here's a quick recap.

Alexander and I have had interesting conversations about fear, abundance, trust, creativity, art, expression, and everything that's become wrapped up in this unique experience. I mean, it all sounds really simple, right? Slap some paint on a canvas, ship it to your friend, he'll throw some more paint on it, we blog, we all move on. Right? Not really. Not when you decide to dive into the lessons that an experience like this can teach. I've worked my way through eight months of 2013 with an intentional focus on creativity and maintaining a mindset of abundance. Painting (for the first time ever) was the way I chose to retrain my brain to live in an abundant reality. All of that work is culminating in such a fascinating way in this collaboration. In the convos below, Alexander is white/left and I'm blue/right:

OM indeed. So, what am I doing with his pieces? He sent two sketches, one lion and one woman. I'm putting words in his mouth, but as I interpret these pieces, the lion is meant to be Alexander (a Leo) and symbolizes his power word: Viral Mindfulness. The woman is meant to be me and symbolizes my power word: Abundance. He could've meant something completely different, but again, this is the magic (and trust) of collaboration.

I feel like the woman has a brave, water energy. I love that we're standing behind her and it feels like all the possibility of this wide world is right in front of her. The ocean is a powerful, sacred space for me and so that's where this woman will live. My first reaction was to paint her environment.

Clearly abundance is about far more than money, but I wanted to infuse this collaboration with all types of abundance, including positive financial energy and abundance. Also, this was a great excuse to  incorporate beautiful currency from all over the world that I found in an antique store in Salt Lake. I've had the map forever and I actually think it was used as wrapping paper on a gift from an ex-boyfriend. Cut. Cut. Rip. Rip. New energy. New stories.

What does all of this have to do with meditation? Well, when I texted Alexander about our swap and our anxiety about messing up each other's stuff, I was saying this to him as much as I was reminding myself:

There is no wrong answer. You cannot possibly mess it up. It will be exactly what it wants to be. You will do everything right because you're doing it. 

This experiment with each other is our relatively low-risk way of practicing, practicing, practicing these concepts of being mindful and abundant, as opposed to going through life disengaged or fearful. There is no wrong answer when it comes to creativity. Someone will look at a Rothko and think it's utter crap and someone will look at it and their whole life will change. If we can learn to take that fearless, abundant, mindful attitude with us everywhere we go, not just into the microcosm of our creative workspaces, we will have created something far greater than a few shared canvases.

Love and cheers to no wrong answers,
gail

Follow my collaboration with Alexander and follow my adventures on Instagram @fourthirtyam.

New landing page: Collaboration with Alexander!

My artistic collaboration with Alexander is getting exciting, folks. We've swapped pieces and we're now working on each other's paintings and sketches, respectively. As we ramp up into the height of this project, I realized I want a landing page on this site to collect all of our posts and document our creative process. Well, ta-da...you can find that right here.

Follow along. Check back often. I have a post planned for this weekend to show you what I'm doing with Alexander's sketches. Hint: It involves antique maps and old paper currency from all over the globe.

For now, enjoy Alexander's experience of receiving my art and shipping his off to SLC.





As Alexander would say...

Love and namasgay,
me

Viral Mindfulness #mondaymeditation

As part of the artistic collaboration I'm working on with Alexander, last week we meditated on our own 2013 power word, and tonight we meditated on each other's word. Alexander's power word(s) is Viral Mindfulness. Alexander is a clinical social worker turned life coach and motivational speaker. He also happens to be one of the most creative, artistic, and all around fabulous people I known. He's created a coaching brand and three-fold platform around his concept of viral mindfulness. The following links will take you to YouTube videos of Alexander in action, btw. Spreading Strokes is about practice, practice, practice (more on that later). Spreading Sit is about meditation (more on that, too). Spreading Slogans is about sharing nuggets of wisdom.

As I wrote in a previous post, I'm using painting as a way to retrain my mind out of a scarcity paradigm and come to fully understand abundance. Over the past week I painted on multiple occasions (even on tired busy weeknights) and each time I purposefully covered a previous layer of my canvas in some way and to some degree.

After I painted the first night, I covered the whole canvas in blue paint and left it. When I came back the next night, I added random gold sunburst things and red track marks. For no particular reason. That's the point.

No attachment. No fear that I messed it up. I'm purposefully painting random shapes and colors so that no one (mostly myself) can look at it and say, "That's clearly not a cat. Cats don't look like that. That's a bad cat." Randomness allows me to simply enjoy the feel of paint on a canvas. That and I can't draw cats. No fear that I'm losing something by painting over it. No fear that I can't possibly create something beautiful again.

The next night I painted a random leaf flower tree thing right on top of my sunbursts. Why not?

Alexander talks about cultivating, strengthening, and practicing new patterns of thought. The idea to Spread Strokes by embarking on a painting adventure is an act of meditation (Spreading Sit) for me. I'm "flirting with fear," as he would say, and I'm blasting right through it with new layers of paint and new habits. Okay, so I realize that paint on a canvas is a low-stakes controlled experiment with all of these concepts, but that's not the point. Start somewhere. Just start.

Whenever I'm done painting a new shape, I turn the canvas in a different direction. It's all about practicing detachment, and shutting down my controlling OCD brain. Let it go. Just turn the canvas and let it be something new. Now it's not a tree that I need to somehow protect and not mess up. It's just a shape.

Layers and layers and layers.

When I came back to the painting tonight, I felt weirdly attached to my little tree thing. Maybe I should just be done, I said. Maybe I should put a bird on it (then move to Portland), I said. Maybe that's pretty enough and I shouldn't mess it up, I said. But then, since I was paint-meditating on Alexander's power words tonight, I heard him telling me to "smile at my fear." I recognized that I was being crazy and letting a scarcity mindset take over. So instead, I let red paint smear all over the corner and I let blue circle stencils cover up my tree. That's Spreading Strokes, folks. It's all about the realization that "new habits and fresh thoughts expand with repeated effort."

Why stop there? Smear some metallic purple. Make some white arrow shapes. Just go.

Rotate. Continue. And done for the night.

As I proofread this post in preparation to publish it, I realize that I sound a bit crazy. A lot bit crazy. But guess what? That's because it IS crazy. All of this attachment and fear and control (illusion of) and scarcity is certifiably crazy. It's contrary to real real reality and that's why it sounds so nutso to us at our core. This realization is just like my revelation about meditation: Our natural state is calm and blissed out. Meditation doesn't bring anything to us, it only helps us clear away layers of gunk from our unbalanced lives. In other words, our natural state is also abundant and creative and in the moment and not attached to random silliness like tree shapes on a canvas. All the hamsters spinning on their bullshit wheels, as I'm known to say, are telling us otherwise, but that's the craziness. We do actually live in an abundant world; it's just taking a bit of viral mindfulness practice to help me see it fully.

Love and layers,
me

Channeling mandala energy #mondaymeditation

In last Monday's meditation I reflected on my first-ever painting experience: "I got all precious with each layer and felt attached to each little brush stroke." This specific experience was really a microcosm of my larger focus for this year -- abundance. I'm using painting not only as a way to reignite my creative chutzpah, but also as a way to retrain my mind out of a scarcity paradigm.

I wrote last week: "I'm going to allow my mind to let go of each layer, trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it." As I painted tonight, a sort of movement meditation, I worked my way through all sorts of nuanced thoughts that are part and parcel of my commitment to abundance. I thought about trust, letting go of my sense of control, and allowing energy to flow more freely in and around and through my life.

mise en place

When I was done for the day, I completely painted over the entire canvas with a fresh layer of paint. The red flowers and leaves are gone. The yellow shapes inspired by my kalamkari curtains are gone. Gone. All of it. It was important to me to treat this first layer like a mandala; not in a representational sense, because I wasn't mimicking mandala patterns, but in the sense that when it was complete, it was gone. It was beautiful. It was a creative experience. The colors were lovely. It flowed in and now, it flowed out.

Before I did anything, I set my intention for the piece. then painted right over it.

Trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it, I'll see where tomorrow takes me.

xo,
me

What acrylic paints are teaching me about abundance #mondaymeditation

Alexander and I are gearing up to launch a collaborative art adventure. In doing so, we're focusing on our power words as a muse for the project. For 2013 he chose viral mindfulness and I chose abundance. I can point to a few scattered posts about abundance since the year started, but probably none as direct as the "I'm wearing pink lace panties" post. And yet, even though I haven't written a lot about abundance directly, it's been an overarching theme that's guiding my quest to regain creative mojo.

In preparation to start working with Alexander, I've reflected on my first-ever painting adventure. I realize now that although it was very joyful and very creative, it was not very abundant. To explain what I mean, I'll contrast it to a painting experience I had last night. I went to Paint Mixer in Park City with my friend Meg. This was the second time ever I've put paint to canvas, and it was entirely different from my first experience.

For whatever reason(s), my first painting experience felt loaded with expectations. I started with the end in mind and I painted toward it. I was scared to mix colors because I thought I'd mess it up. I got all precious with each layer and felt attached to each little brush stroke. I went in thinking I wanted a thousand layers of stuff, only to stop myself short because I was painting with a scarcity mindset. My experience in the class last night was exactly the opposite and I sustained an abundant mindset throughout. Meaning: I ditched the teacher's template about two minutes in and just made it up as I went. I layered and layered and had no idea how it would end up looking. I rocked out to the music, sang along, marveled at Meg's talents (she's an actual painter), and had very little investment in the end product. I mean, I paid for the Groupon months ago, so whatever, right?

So. Painting. Abundance. Life Lesson. 

The Dalai Lama said, "Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering." A scarcity mindset is the very definition of attachment. It holds on to everything because it's afraid to lose, it's afraid it will never get another shot at this, it's afraid to trust any sort of process. It's an illusion of control. An abundant mindset is detached in the sense that each moment is what it is, the end result is something that's sorted out through the nature of the process, the focus is on the flow of it all. As I enter my collaboration with Alexander, I'm going to promise myself no less than 10 layers of stuff on that canvas. I'm going to paint little bits at a time and leave it. Walk away. I'm going to allow my mind to let go of each layer, trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it. I will trust that there is no "messing it up" because at that point, that just is what the painting is. It just is what it is. And it's beautiful.

Love and layers,
me

The Creative Collaboration Begins | The Blog Dare Day 24

{PROMPT} Let's get going!

I promise I'm happy, I've just never used FaceTime.
Getting it sorted took concentration, apparently.
This photographer prefers to be behind the camera.
And yes, I'm wearing a black lace camisole. Deal.

Today marks the start of something exciting. I'm launching an artistic collaboration with my friend Alexander. You can find his work and inspiring Bless Your Virus story on his website and on the Viral Mindfulness blog.

We're kindred creative souls in many ways. I cannot say enough about his light and warmth, it vibrates. We've decided to manifest all of our creative kindredness into a highly collaborative art project. It will involve meditation and writing and painting and sketching and growing and swapping of projects and all sorts of goodies yet to be revealed. I've painted once in my life. Once. So...this will be a whole new world of awesome. This is exactly the right outlet for me at exactly the right time.

The starting point for our work will be our respective power words. My 2013 power word is abundance. I regret I haven't done as much reflection and writing around that word as I'd hoped to do, so this is perfect. I first mused on abundance at the very beginning of the year...

I'm wearing pink lace panties, was the title of the post. It went something like this: "My power word is abundance. This focus on abundance led me to wear pink lace panties today. What? Yes. Because they've been in my dresser drawer, tags on, since I purchased them. Turns out, that's not a very abundant thing to do." I went on to admit: "Something I've understood intellectually for years, but I'm still trying to actually manifest in my life, is the trust it takes to do that, to let things go. I haven't fully figured out why I hold on to things that make no logical sense to hold on to, but I'm slowly practicing abundance..." {keep reading}

It's nearly July. I've thought about abundance, a lot. I've manifested it, sort of. I haven't directly written about it since that first post (though all these posts are the kissing cousins of abundance). Our collaboration is the perfect opportunity, medium, and space for me to finally start to get my mind, and my creative juices, around this massive concept.

Stay tuned, y'all. It's going to be epic.

Love,
me (+ Alexander)


This post is part of The Blog Dare series.

My Declaration: Intention

The Declaration of You book tour is in full swing. If you haven't already checked out their press page, you should definitely head over there and be inspired. There are some truly awesome people making some truly awesome declarations. Today, it's my turn to discuss...

illustration by the lovely Jessica Swift.

I'm a very intentional person, if I do say so myself. I'm a hyper organized planner, goal setter, getter, and to-do list checker (not, as it turns out, the sexiest tagline for an online dating profile*). Two of the questions the lovely authors asked the book tour bloggers: "How often do you set intentions? How often do you determine what they need to be?" Following my Type-A logic thus far, I set all sorts of intentions all day long. I set intentions here, here, over here, over there, right here, not to mention the mountains of intention at work, and even my pet projects turn into part-time jobs because I take myself too damn seriously. I regularly and frequently determine what my intentions need to be and update accordingly. Then I re-color code it all, edit my hit list, and get back to work. This manner of intention has manifested an amazing career at a young age, incredible opportunities in my field with national consulting and speaking gigs, publications, home ownership, globetrotting, a graduate degree, on and on.

But guess what? And this has been an ironic lesson a long time in the making for me:  All of that intention...wasn't actually very intentional. I never associated all of my actions with the law of attraction. I was young and arrogant enough to assume that I was simply creating all of these opportunities and successes for myself. To a degree, that's true. To a greater degree, I was putting energy into the universe...and the universe was manifesting back to me exactly what I was asking for. The irony is that I didn't entirely realize and intend and decide upon and own what I was asking for. I didn't intend to ask for 60-hour work weeks. I didn't intend to ask for a sub-par romantic life because I couldn't be bothered with all those distractions. I didn't intend to ask for the airport shuttle driver to know me by name and be the friend I see most often. I didn't intend to ask for an administrative position that lacks the creativity I felt in previous roles. I was simply going going going fast on the path that young professionals "should" travel. The growing pains I'm experiencing now are due to the fact that I want to set new and different intentions for my life. Those new and different intentions are not (yet) familiar or comfortable for me. I'm figuring out how to build this plane while flying it.

As for my paradigm-shifting declaration of intention, two things have been washing over me like a giant tidal wave as of late:

Have enough trust in The Universe to set the intentions you really truly want to set. {tweet it}

These are the intentions that scare me. These are the intentions that I rarely share out loud. These are the intentions that I really truly want to set. These are the intentions into which I need to pour a whole lot of love and trust: I want to make photographs and write and travel. For a living. For real. Forever. I want to move to Denmark. I want to dabble in graphic design. I want to wake up next to a tall dark bearded feminist who wants in his life a smart and sassy partner to grow old with. I want to paint and be good at it and have people buy my paintings because they think they're pretty. I do not want to continue grinding out my days in committee meetings where we discuss the formation of committees.

Be more intentional with your intentions. Then get out of the way. {tweet it} 

I've finally, and with hesitant gratitude, hit a wall. I've left myself no choice but to give up on the idea that I'm somehow in total control of manifesting all these new intentions (an idea driven subconsciously by fear and ego, if you want the truth). I'm not in total control. I will never discount the value of doing my research and working hard, but I'm also settling into a new paradigm. I'm settling into a paradigm that finally, finally, finally realizes I need to get over myself and get out of my own way. I've believed in the take action part of intention my whole life, but I've never been good at believing The Universe will fill in the gaps. I've never been good at trusting that when I hand it over, it will eventually come back to me ten fold, or come back to me at all. I can understand the law of attraction intellectually. I know it spiritually. I've seen it happen to other people again and again. And yet letting all that fabulousness flow unobstructed through my own life scares the shit out of me. What if The Universe is on holiday and my intention memo bounces back with her out of office message? What if The Universe is busy with the far more interesting intentions of far more fabulous people all over the world? What if I've pissed off the universe by ignoring her offer to help me all these years? What if I actually get everything I want?

You know what Jen Sincero would say to all that nonsense? After she told me I'm a badass, then she would say:

Set your intention, work steadily in the direction you want to go, do all that you know how to do, believe it’s here and available to you, be diligent about how you speak, think and behave, have faith in yourself and The Universe, and then...drum roll please, this is the super important part...breathe, let it go, fuggetaboutit, give it some damn room to come in. 

Oh wait, she did say exactly that in a blog post earlier this week.

Dear Gail,  

Get out of my way. I got this.  

Love,
The Universe

The Fine Print: The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, giving readers the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, to discover how they and their gifts are unique, and to uncover what they are meant to do! 

Pre-order your copy now. Learn more by clicking here.

RSVP on Facebook!

* No, I have never used anything like that in an online dating profile. You're welcome, Men Of The Internet. You're welcome.

I'm painting now. Because why not? | The Blog Dare Day 2

{PROMPT} They try to make it sound...

....as though you need to have it all together before you can begin. You need to conduct your research, prepare your data, be ready for every contingency. You must somehow become an expert and then you can share what needs to be shared.

And by "they" I mean the voice in my head.

This past weekend, I told that perfectionist to take a hike. I painted. I painted for the first time ever. I mean, minus water colors in pre-school and perhaps a project in a junior high art class that I've long since forgotten. I completely lost myself and hours later I realized I was pretty damn happy.

I'm painting. I'm painting! I paint! I'm a painter. Isn't this a breakthrough? I'm a painter. I paint now. With paint, in the sunlight, way far away from the perfectionist in my head? I painted. That happened.

Love, 

me

Follow my sundry feats of creativity on Instagram @fourthirtyam

This post is part of The Blog Dare series