You are because you say you are.

I recently wrote about a dream coming true. Traveling to Alaska (bucket list destination) courtesy of Princess Cruises (hello, press credentials) writing and photographing (numero uno dream job of all time) for The Avid Cruiser (a respected mentor and friend). It doesn't get more exciting than this. I've been blogging and traveling and writing and wanderlusting and photographing and dreaming for years. At times I wanted all of that energy to lead to something and at other times I just kept going because it makes me happy. At times I pursued the goal with specific intentions and at other times I ignored it entirely, going about my normal life. This ebb and flow, this evolving dance with what I really want out of my life, has been going on for what feels like forever. Now here I am. Even though it could seem simple, this one assignment, I still believe it's an absolute manifestation. It feels surreal. That's actually what I want to talk about, the surreal nature of it all. This thought has been stewing for a while now: You are because you say you are. Jen Sincero, Wayne Dyer, and I have something to say about the power of owning it.

Owning it. No apologies. No excuses. Taking a proactive role in defining the life you want to live. 

Ralph Grizzle (a.k.a. The Avid Cruiser) recently posted about the three journeys covered on the Live Voyage Report site in May. When I read his words, I couldn't take them in. It felt like an out of body experience. Who is this woman he's talking about, anyway? 

A chance meeting a couple of years ago resulted in our welcoming aboard Gail Jessen. Gail is a Salt Lake City based writer who will be reporting for us from Star Princess as she and the ship make their way from San Francisco to Skagway — and back. Gail wrote an engaging piece that will tell you who she is and how she became a travel writer. You will find her post here. For inspiration alone, it is recommended reading.

A Salt Lake City based writer? How she...became a travel writer? Inspiring? I stared at the screen. Agape. Holy shit, you guys. I'm a writer based in Salt Lake City. That's me he's talking about. I'm a writer. I write. I'm writing. I'm in Salt Lake City and I write, like writers do. I'm a travel writer. I write about travel. Out in the world, while traveling, I write. I'm a writer of travel stories based in Salt Lake City. My reaction was a bit like...Bob's.

I'd say printing a box of oh-so-official business cards - to hand out on the ship and to family/friends - is owning it.

One particular point from Sincero's book, You Are a Badass, comes to mind a lot lately. I'm paraphrasing, but she basically says: You want to be a photographer...but you don't take pictures. What sense does that make? Conversely, you take a lot of photos and it's a significant passion for you, but you say you're not a photographer? Why the hell not? What's a photographer then? Someone who takes pictures. So go do that. Say you're a photographer. Aren't you? Then go do it some more. You are whatever you say you are simply because you said it...then did something about it. She writes:

Set your intention, work steadily in the direction you want to go, do all that you know how to do, believe it’s here and available to you, be diligent about how you speak, think and behave, have faith in yourself and The Universe, and then...drum roll please, this is the super important part...breathe, let it go, fuggetaboutit, give it some damn room to come in. 

While I read Sincero over a year ago, I've recently been making my way through Wayne Dyer's newest book, I Can See Clearly Now. I tackle bits and pieces here and there, mostly letting the new paradigms settle in between readings. It's the kind of a book you take your time with and he's that kind of author. What's percolating to the top is his discussion of "I AM..." The phrase "I am" is one of the most profound, transformative phrases we can possibly utter. We literally create our reality with that phrase. Think about it. It's so simple, but it's such a game changer. We can unfairly turn "I'm having a rough day and lost my temper for a moment" into "I am an angry person." We can also then take a proactive role in defining the life we want to live by turning "I like to write and maintain a blog" into "I am a travel writer."

I AM. Sit with it for a minute. Think of all the ways you're currently shaping your reality with I AM statements (conscious or out loud or not). Think of all the ways you could shift your future reality by intentionally focusing on the power of "I AM."

I'll kick it off: I am a travel writer based in Salt Lake City.

Love,
me

This post is dedicated to Jo and Elizabeth, two amazing women who inspire me...and who I've never actually met. Through the magic that is Instagram and, coincidentally, an online photography course, we found each other. Without saying much - a double-tap photo like here, a Facebook comment there - we've connected and we just get it. This is for them. 

Creating: Implementing the work of Robert Fritz (part two)

My first post about exploring the work of Robert Fritz left off at the point of explaining his method for actually changing our life's structures and creating what we want for ourselves. The critical element of Structural Dynamics is Structural Tension, which is the method for creating. We have to be willing to formulate and hold a purposeful, carefully-calibrated, goal-powered tension. Tension, per the laws of nature, seeks resolution. Picture an archer's bow and arrow, or the pull of a rubber band in two opposing directions. Eventually, nature resolves tension.

The tension we're creating is between our desired reality and our current reality. In order to establish authentic tension, you have to 1) Be crystal clear about your desired reality and your goals; and 2) Be brutally honest about your current reality. You're establishing the end points of the rubber band, in essence, then you're going to stretch it and hold it. You may be holding this tension for a day and then it resolves, or you may be holding this tension for years...it all depends on what you're trying to create. The key is this: Your focus must be on the degree of your desire, not the degree of inevitable difficulty. You have to want it regardless of that difficulty and you have to commit to work toward it in spite of that. It's no longer about being comfortable, it's about creating what you want in your life. 

To describe your desired reality is to picture the results of achieving the goal, and picture them vividly, in present tense, the good and the bad aspects of the achievement. Quantify it and make it as specific as possible, but do not describe a process. Describe only a result. "I go to the gym five times a week" is a process. "I weigh (insert ideal) pounds" is a result. That result is the vision and desired reality. Also, and this was key for me to understand as a hyper-rational problem solver, don't solve problems in the statement of your desired reality. Do not frame your goal statement as a deficit you want to solve. Frame it positively as something new you love enough to bring into being. You're not fixing something. You're creating something new. 

To describe your current reality is to objectively name every current fact that is relevant to the desired reality. In relation to achieving the desired reality from your starting point, ask yourself: What do I know? What do I not know? Keep in mind that your current capacity is not your future capacity. You can grow into your goals. Don't get lost in the weeds of HOW to get to your goal, just describe your current reality as it objectively is in this moment. 

That whole business of not focusing on The How? That's terrifying to me. As an administrator who came through the ranks of project and program management, my professional life (and identity) is wrapped up all day every day in The How of problem solving and advancing toward fulfilling my organization's mission. This is different. Let that go. The resolution of the tension, and the action steps needed to move toward the desired reality, will all define themselves organically simply because you're holding the tension. The space in between the two ends of the rubber band will be flooded with The How if you can stay focused on the tension. I know we're wandering out into a flowered field of hippie dippie energy, but stick with me. You have to leave room for magic. Your job is to hold tension, and then say yes. 

To make all of this real for myself I tried to think of a time in my life that I used this tool of structural tension, albeit not yet knowing Fritz's language and models. I wanted to walk myself through the process and see what it actually looks like in the real world. I didn't have to think back very far, as it turns out. When I started 2013 I selected a power word (abundance) and launched The Happiness Project. Outside of hosting a monthly book group and cooking brunch with friends, the project has meant boiling down exactly what it is I need in and from my life in order to feel fully engaged and happy. Creativity has emerged as the dominant theme and, without really knowing it, I set up structural tension between my then-creative deficit and my desired state. Resources, websites, ideas, activities, collaborations, opportunities, communities, The How...it has all flooded into my life and started to resolve the tension and close the gap. And by "flooded" I mean to say it's almost overwhelming at times. I just hang on and keep saying yes. 

In fact, the desired reality has even upped its game since I first started this crazy year. "Creativity" was all I could eek out as I rounded the corner into spring (yes, spring, because I couldn't even name it when I kicked off the year...it defined itself); but now, what I actually mean by "creativity" has further defined and refined itself. I'm working on creating new tensions to move me toward new desired realities. That, folks, is an Advancing Structure of success. That is also what I plan to write about in my next post. It's not really a part three to all of this Robert Fritz stuff, but it is something that has been percolating in light of all his talk of "What do you want to create in your life?" 

Stay tuned. 

Love and beautiful tension, 

me

Trust. Creativity. Antique maps and moolah. #mondaymeditation

We swapped! Alexander has my art and I have his art and now we're arting up each other's art. You can see what I finally mailed to him and watch his reaction to our swap in this video he made. If you're wondering what I'm even talking about right now, here's a quick recap.

Alexander and I have had interesting conversations about fear, abundance, trust, creativity, art, expression, and everything that's become wrapped up in this unique experience. I mean, it all sounds really simple, right? Slap some paint on a canvas, ship it to your friend, he'll throw some more paint on it, we blog, we all move on. Right? Not really. Not when you decide to dive into the lessons that an experience like this can teach. I've worked my way through eight months of 2013 with an intentional focus on creativity and maintaining a mindset of abundance. Painting (for the first time ever) was the way I chose to retrain my brain to live in an abundant reality. All of that work is culminating in such a fascinating way in this collaboration. In the convos below, Alexander is white/left and I'm blue/right:

OM indeed. So, what am I doing with his pieces? He sent two sketches, one lion and one woman. I'm putting words in his mouth, but as I interpret these pieces, the lion is meant to be Alexander (a Leo) and symbolizes his power word: Viral Mindfulness. The woman is meant to be me and symbolizes my power word: Abundance. He could've meant something completely different, but again, this is the magic (and trust) of collaboration.

I feel like the woman has a brave, water energy. I love that we're standing behind her and it feels like all the possibility of this wide world is right in front of her. The ocean is a powerful, sacred space for me and so that's where this woman will live. My first reaction was to paint her environment.

Clearly abundance is about far more than money, but I wanted to infuse this collaboration with all types of abundance, including positive financial energy and abundance. Also, this was a great excuse to  incorporate beautiful currency from all over the world that I found in an antique store in Salt Lake. I've had the map forever and I actually think it was used as wrapping paper on a gift from an ex-boyfriend. Cut. Cut. Rip. Rip. New energy. New stories.

What does all of this have to do with meditation? Well, when I texted Alexander about our swap and our anxiety about messing up each other's stuff, I was saying this to him as much as I was reminding myself:

There is no wrong answer. You cannot possibly mess it up. It will be exactly what it wants to be. You will do everything right because you're doing it. 

This experiment with each other is our relatively low-risk way of practicing, practicing, practicing these concepts of being mindful and abundant, as opposed to going through life disengaged or fearful. There is no wrong answer when it comes to creativity. Someone will look at a Rothko and think it's utter crap and someone will look at it and their whole life will change. If we can learn to take that fearless, abundant, mindful attitude with us everywhere we go, not just into the microcosm of our creative workspaces, we will have created something far greater than a few shared canvases.

Love and cheers to no wrong answers,
gail

Follow my collaboration with Alexander and follow my adventures on Instagram @fourthirtyam.

Humor helps. #mondaymeditation

Along with four of my girlfriends, I'm participating in a series of workshops based on the work of Robert Fritz. Specifically, we're reading his text Your Life as Art, and learning his framework of structural dynamics as a way to create what it is we want in our lives. The courses are taught by consultant / management coach Paula Ruffy. All of that might sound like a bit of word soup right now, but I'm planning a series of posts that will share with you what I'm learning through this adventure. We've only had one out of three total sessions so far and it's already pure awesomeness.

In the meantime, because I like to post meditation-ish posts on Mondays, I'll share this gem. It's stupid. It's funny. It helps me not take myself too seriously. I can get really wrapped up in the perceived weightiness of this whole mediative spiritual adventure. I mean, we're only exploring the whole meaning of life and stuff. This puts it all back in perspective...

Scroll through all 33 of these silly photos. It's worth a few chuckles and 2.5 minutes of your time.

Love and affirmations,
me

5 Sutras of the Aquarian Age

This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. Everybody sing! When the moooon is in the Seventh House, and Jupiter aligns with Maaaaars...

Okay, but seriously though, I spent an hour online with Gabriel Bernstein last night and today's #mondaymeditation is all about her recent keynote at the Wanderlust Festival.


 


She is a student of Yogi Bhajan's Kundalini Yoga, the guru known for ushering in the Aquarian Age. If your hippie flag doesn't fly quite as high as mine, the Aquarian Age is also known as the age of awakening. It's a pressure cooker, as Gabby describes it, of intense energy, consciousness, new paradigms, and a more authentic way of living with the earth and each other. It's an age of people deciding to become who they truly are. It's also, as she says, "not a time for creating disciples. This is a time for creating teachers and storytellers." The Aquarian Age has a feminine energy that's all about aligning yourself to the vibrations of The Universe (as opposed to convincing yourself that you are living your life well by mastering and conquering and controlling and other such masculine vibes).

Not to get lost in those weeds, whether you think it's a bunch of mumbo jumbo or whether you've tuned in, the five sutras (or threads/knots) of the age are still wise words. I'm sharing the notes that I scribbled as she spoke. Some bits are direct quotations and some bits are my reflections on what she said.

Sutra One: Recognize the other person is you 

What we admire in others is a part of ourselves that we haven't fully developed yet. The light you see in someone else is an expression of the light you actually have within you. Pay attention to who inspires you and then learn to express that fully. What we don't like in others, on the other hand, is a disowned part of our shadow. Instead of attacking yourself or the other person, let yourself get to work and fix that part of your shadow. The more you wake up, the less you can vibrate with that crap anyway. It will start to make you sick to be around negative energy and you'll have less of it in your life.

Sutra Two: There is a way through every block 

Tap into the conscious part of yourself that actually believes this. Clear all the clutter and chatter out of the way until you get to your core, where you know this is true. You'll be given creative ways to get through any block. Let creative spiritual energy flow through you and get out of your own way. Fear blocks everything. Love clears the way for everything.

Sutra Three: When the time is on you, start, and the pressure will be off

The Aquarian Age is a pressure cooker. You are not alone in feeling the intensified vibrations. Stop freaking out, stop trying to plan to the last detail what you're supposed to do about it, and stop trying to control everything. Just start. Start. Do something. Take a step in the direction you want to go. The pressure will be off as soon as you start, and the next step will unfold. Stop planning. Just go. Don't play small, either. Once you go for it, go.

Sutra Four: Understand through compassion or you will misunderstand the times

You don't truly know anyone's story. Everyone is fighting a hard battle. If you turn your back on people and if you fight back, you will misunderstand the energy of the times. "In my defenselessness my safety lies." The ego is the darkest and weakest part of us. We are safer and more secure when we let that go and feel defenseless (ie stripped of ego). The Universe will step in.

Sutra Five: Vibrate with the cosmos and the cosmos shall clear the path

When you're irrational, you're not vibrating with the cosmos. Thinking you are in total control of everything around you is irrational. You have to tap into The Universe around you and get out of your own crazy. You can decide in any given moment to vibrate high or low frequency. Whatever you're vibrating is coming right back at you like a boomerang. High frequency: Abundance, trust, love. Low frequency: Scarcity, fear, freak out.


OM. Love,
me

Viral Mindfulness #mondaymeditation

As part of the artistic collaboration I'm working on with Alexander, last week we meditated on our own 2013 power word, and tonight we meditated on each other's word. Alexander's power word(s) is Viral Mindfulness. Alexander is a clinical social worker turned life coach and motivational speaker. He also happens to be one of the most creative, artistic, and all around fabulous people I known. He's created a coaching brand and three-fold platform around his concept of viral mindfulness. The following links will take you to YouTube videos of Alexander in action, btw. Spreading Strokes is about practice, practice, practice (more on that later). Spreading Sit is about meditation (more on that, too). Spreading Slogans is about sharing nuggets of wisdom.

As I wrote in a previous post, I'm using painting as a way to retrain my mind out of a scarcity paradigm and come to fully understand abundance. Over the past week I painted on multiple occasions (even on tired busy weeknights) and each time I purposefully covered a previous layer of my canvas in some way and to some degree.

After I painted the first night, I covered the whole canvas in blue paint and left it. When I came back the next night, I added random gold sunburst things and red track marks. For no particular reason. That's the point.

No attachment. No fear that I messed it up. I'm purposefully painting random shapes and colors so that no one (mostly myself) can look at it and say, "That's clearly not a cat. Cats don't look like that. That's a bad cat." Randomness allows me to simply enjoy the feel of paint on a canvas. That and I can't draw cats. No fear that I'm losing something by painting over it. No fear that I can't possibly create something beautiful again.

The next night I painted a random leaf flower tree thing right on top of my sunbursts. Why not?

Alexander talks about cultivating, strengthening, and practicing new patterns of thought. The idea to Spread Strokes by embarking on a painting adventure is an act of meditation (Spreading Sit) for me. I'm "flirting with fear," as he would say, and I'm blasting right through it with new layers of paint and new habits. Okay, so I realize that paint on a canvas is a low-stakes controlled experiment with all of these concepts, but that's not the point. Start somewhere. Just start.

Whenever I'm done painting a new shape, I turn the canvas in a different direction. It's all about practicing detachment, and shutting down my controlling OCD brain. Let it go. Just turn the canvas and let it be something new. Now it's not a tree that I need to somehow protect and not mess up. It's just a shape.

Layers and layers and layers.

When I came back to the painting tonight, I felt weirdly attached to my little tree thing. Maybe I should just be done, I said. Maybe I should put a bird on it (then move to Portland), I said. Maybe that's pretty enough and I shouldn't mess it up, I said. But then, since I was paint-meditating on Alexander's power words tonight, I heard him telling me to "smile at my fear." I recognized that I was being crazy and letting a scarcity mindset take over. So instead, I let red paint smear all over the corner and I let blue circle stencils cover up my tree. That's Spreading Strokes, folks. It's all about the realization that "new habits and fresh thoughts expand with repeated effort."

Why stop there? Smear some metallic purple. Make some white arrow shapes. Just go.

Rotate. Continue. And done for the night.

As I proofread this post in preparation to publish it, I realize that I sound a bit crazy. A lot bit crazy. But guess what? That's because it IS crazy. All of this attachment and fear and control (illusion of) and scarcity is certifiably crazy. It's contrary to real real reality and that's why it sounds so nutso to us at our core. This realization is just like my revelation about meditation: Our natural state is calm and blissed out. Meditation doesn't bring anything to us, it only helps us clear away layers of gunk from our unbalanced lives. In other words, our natural state is also abundant and creative and in the moment and not attached to random silliness like tree shapes on a canvas. All the hamsters spinning on their bullshit wheels, as I'm known to say, are telling us otherwise, but that's the craziness. We do actually live in an abundant world; it's just taking a bit of viral mindfulness practice to help me see it fully.

Love and layers,
me

Channeling mandala energy #mondaymeditation

In last Monday's meditation I reflected on my first-ever painting experience: "I got all precious with each layer and felt attached to each little brush stroke." This specific experience was really a microcosm of my larger focus for this year -- abundance. I'm using painting not only as a way to reignite my creative chutzpah, but also as a way to retrain my mind out of a scarcity paradigm.

I wrote last week: "I'm going to allow my mind to let go of each layer, trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it." As I painted tonight, a sort of movement meditation, I worked my way through all sorts of nuanced thoughts that are part and parcel of my commitment to abundance. I thought about trust, letting go of my sense of control, and allowing energy to flow more freely in and around and through my life.

mise en place

When I was done for the day, I completely painted over the entire canvas with a fresh layer of paint. The red flowers and leaves are gone. The yellow shapes inspired by my kalamkari curtains are gone. Gone. All of it. It was important to me to treat this first layer like a mandala; not in a representational sense, because I wasn't mimicking mandala patterns, but in the sense that when it was complete, it was gone. It was beautiful. It was a creative experience. The colors were lovely. It flowed in and now, it flowed out.

Before I did anything, I set my intention for the piece. then painted right over it.

Trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it, I'll see where tomorrow takes me.

xo,
me

What acrylic paints are teaching me about abundance #mondaymeditation

Alexander and I are gearing up to launch a collaborative art adventure. In doing so, we're focusing on our power words as a muse for the project. For 2013 he chose viral mindfulness and I chose abundance. I can point to a few scattered posts about abundance since the year started, but probably none as direct as the "I'm wearing pink lace panties" post. And yet, even though I haven't written a lot about abundance directly, it's been an overarching theme that's guiding my quest to regain creative mojo.

In preparation to start working with Alexander, I've reflected on my first-ever painting adventure. I realize now that although it was very joyful and very creative, it was not very abundant. To explain what I mean, I'll contrast it to a painting experience I had last night. I went to Paint Mixer in Park City with my friend Meg. This was the second time ever I've put paint to canvas, and it was entirely different from my first experience.

For whatever reason(s), my first painting experience felt loaded with expectations. I started with the end in mind and I painted toward it. I was scared to mix colors because I thought I'd mess it up. I got all precious with each layer and felt attached to each little brush stroke. I went in thinking I wanted a thousand layers of stuff, only to stop myself short because I was painting with a scarcity mindset. My experience in the class last night was exactly the opposite and I sustained an abundant mindset throughout. Meaning: I ditched the teacher's template about two minutes in and just made it up as I went. I layered and layered and had no idea how it would end up looking. I rocked out to the music, sang along, marveled at Meg's talents (she's an actual painter), and had very little investment in the end product. I mean, I paid for the Groupon months ago, so whatever, right?

So. Painting. Abundance. Life Lesson. 

The Dalai Lama said, "Attachment is the origin, the root of suffering; hence it is the cause of suffering." A scarcity mindset is the very definition of attachment. It holds on to everything because it's afraid to lose, it's afraid it will never get another shot at this, it's afraid to trust any sort of process. It's an illusion of control. An abundant mindset is detached in the sense that each moment is what it is, the end result is something that's sorted out through the nature of the process, the focus is on the flow of it all. As I enter my collaboration with Alexander, I'm going to promise myself no less than 10 layers of stuff on that canvas. I'm going to paint little bits at a time and leave it. Walk away. I'm going to allow my mind to let go of each layer, trusting that another equally beautiful layer is coming right on top of it. I will trust that there is no "messing it up" because at that point, that just is what the painting is. It just is what it is. And it's beautiful.

Love and layers,
me