ISBN ### Liberal Biliogasm

At first you may assume it's a Stuff White People Like laundry list, but it's actually the debut novel of Tom Rachman, The Imperfectionists

To wit:
  • American expats living in Europe
  • Newspapers, like, the kind actually printed on paper
  • Lamenting the decline of said paper news sources
  • Character-driven vignettes with an indie sensibility
  • NPR fawning all over it
  • Malcom Gladwell and the author verbally masterbating each other on a litany of luddite topics in a bonus Reader's Guide

Beyond the liberal bibliogasm that is the content, the construction of the novel is genius. It flashes between present day (more or less) Rome and historical vignettes describing the creation of an American-language daily. About three chapters in you start to notice the weaving of characters and stories, backward and forward, backward and forward. It's done so well and so subtly that I enjoyed it almost like a mystery novel. It was exciting to anticipate and figure out the way the past and present would dovetail. 

The writing is evocative and reads like a painting, if you could read a painting. For instance:

He opens the window, breathes in, presses his knees into the guardrail. The grandeur of Paris - it's tallness and broadness and hardness and softness, it's perfect symmetry, human will imposed on stone, on razored lawns, on the disobedient rosebushes - that Paris resides elsewhere. His own is smaller, containing himself, this window, the floorboards that creak across the hall.

The character development is deep, complex, and exceptional. What really sticks with me, looking back on the book as a whole, is how genius Rachman is conveying human nature. Embarrassing, voyeuristic, intuitive, brilliant - his ability to develop multi-dimensional characters is annoying it's so skilled. 

"You're amazingly self-sustainedd," he says. "I'm just afraid you'll get sick of me. Of my socks in particular." "There is that possibility. As long as nobody sees me cooking you dinner every night, I'm fine." At least this life takes place overseas. She can point out that she's learning another language and that Rome is such an artistic city and that living here is itself an aesthetic education. When she does return to photography, this experience will have had a salutary effect. If she were tending house like this back in D.C. - well, she simply wouldn't. But living overseas changes the rules. As long as no one sees her. She discourages visits from friends and family, and flies home twicd a year to avert them. After all those efforts to instill the importance of financial independence and a career. Or if Annika's art-school friends saw her Nikon sitting there, its case gray with dust, as her cookbook collection mounts - the domesticated horror of it!

The humor is wry and dry, adding to the 'if you get it you get it' vibe of the book:

His ear twitches at the incessant ringing downstairs. It's after midnight. "Can they not leave me alone?" From the answering machine comes the drone of this eldest brother, Vaughn, calling from Atlanta. Presumably to ask if Oliver has an Italian girlfriend yet. The family fears he is gay. They don't like gays. Or Communists. What about art historians? Same difference. He's not, though. Not what? An art historian. 

It reads quickly and is a beach book you don't have to be ashamed of. Go for it. 


ISBN 978-0-358-34367-1

#bookspinepoetry

I could seriously do this all day. If I were magically, inexplicably, independently wealthy, I would travel the world and create poems out of the titles on book spines. I would do it in famous bookstores all over the planet. I would die happy doing this. Also, you know some diy portlandia granola girl on etsy is already raking in millions selling little square print photos of this very idea. Also, also, if that's not true, I call it. It's mine. Trademark. Done. I'd gratefully be that diyportlandia granola girl on etsy raking in millions selling little square print photos of book spine poetry. #nerd


"You can't go home again, this I believe. Then again, reality is broken."


"Refuge, dancing at the edge of the world, sand in my bra. She's come undone. 
A visit from the goon squad, a call to conscience."


"Girl, interrupted. The vagabond, running with scissors. Rabbit, run to the lighthouse, into the wild. Book of dreams, a heartbreaking work of staggering genius."

Waterboarding. Naked Mormon Missionaries.


Huh. Of all the posts I've ever posted...my blogger stats tell me these are some of the most significant. 

I quit. 

The prodigal daughter...oh, forget it.

I've been thinking about this lonely little blog as of late. I've been thinking about it in a listless, half nostalgic sort of way that has yet to motivate me to log back in and write. Then this woman stopped by. She comment on my tragic New Year's Even post. She reminded me, though not directly, that I'm gratuitously taking up space in the blogosphere while contributing very little to that greater good. Nine months. Nine? Really? I'm a busy woman, but that's pretty lame. So here you go... (mom, since I'm pretty sure you're still the only person who reads this stuff verbatim). 

I had a rough spring, medically speaking. It was the first time in nearly seven years that I wasn't boarding a plane headed somewhere different every three weeks. It was also about six months after wrapping up grad school. I told myself that this perfect storm, this gift of time, must be dedicated to sorting out issues I'd been willfully avoiding. Scary issues. Like issues of malfunctioning lady bits. 

I wish a fond farewell to all the men who just clicked off this screen and back to Facebook. Thanks for making it this far. That's cool. Nothing is getting graphic, but whatev. Ladies that are left, I don't need to tell you how disorienting and quietly scary it can be to go through medical issues like this. You can have 1,482 supportive people surrounding you every day, but you remain uniquely aware that you are still, somehow, going through it completely alone. 

Going through what? Well, I'm actually glad I'm writing this nine months later and not in the moment. The time lapse has put it all in perspective and boiled it down to a soundbite. You don't need details, Internet, you don't want them. The short version is that I was dealing with an issue that triggered a legitimate cancer scare. The longest two weeks of my life were spent waiting for the results of three different biopsies to come back. The longest three months of my life were spent pumping handfuls of supplements three times a day in an attempt to bounce back from intense, severe anemia. 

My iron levels are back to normal - for the first time in five in years, as it turns out. My biopsies were benign. My IUD is firmly in place and doing it's job quite well. The aftermath has left me wondering, for the first time in my life, if having biological children of my own matters to me. My doctor and I worked to essentially close up shop, in what I'm told is a reversible way, in order to save my health and allow me to move on with an active, full life. Being a single woman in her early 30s, this possibly-reversible-possibly-not situation is an interesting reality to face. I've never dreamed of a big family. It's not really my thing. But I've also never sat with the reality that it may not even be a possibility regardless. It's a weird position to be in.

So, World, that's my somewhat ironic memory of a season known for her fertility and renewal. Now, summer...

Confession: New Year's Eve


Myth: Everyone on Planet Earth is out on the town having a fabulous time, meeting the love of their life, and looking gorgeous amongst hoards of gorgeous friends. You are the only human being not involved. This makes you supremely lame.


-----

Told friends I'm a no go. Check. After massage, pick up quick dinner.

Why is this parking lot such madness? Isn't everyone supposed to be out on the town having a fabulous time, meeting the love of their life, and looking gorgeous amongst hoards of gorgeous friends? What's with the stampede at the market?

Pizza. Check. Oh, that's right, I need orange juice. Better get a cart.

And string cheese. Need milk, as pretty sure mine has curdled up a bit. You know what sounds good? Pasta.

Whole wheat or "enriched" noodles? Um. Um? Um! Both. Two of each.

Need cute containers to hold pasta on countertop. Too pretty and imported and colorful to be stored in cupboard. Yes, good idea. Cute containers.

"Excuse me, where's the mayo or Miracle Whip or something like that?" I'll totally make that parmesan chicken thing I saw on the hulu commercial. I bet the recipe is even on the Hellman's label. Or Google will know. 2012 is my year for cookin' at home. I'll totally nail it. Perfect Soccer Mom did it in like 15 seconds and it was golden loveliness. I got this.

Oh. Chicken. Right. Now, where would that be? "Excuse me..."

Pasta looks adorable on countertop. Goes well with vintage milk bottle vignette and nested jewel-toned mixing bowls. Will impress friends by perceived ability to cook stuff. And mad staging skills. Suck it, Pottery Barn.

Countertop not sparkling though. Clorox wipe will quickly take care of...

Text from Portland friend (actually, instant message within the Words With Friends app, which is actually a critical distinction in our case): "What are you doing tonight? I'm toying with staying in." Validation.

How old is that stuff in the cupboard, I wonder? Does Jello expire? "Use by 08/2008." Huh. Have I ever made Jello? Why is this here? Isn't it horse parts or something? Toss. Liberating.

I think that's correct. Google: "Do I need to refrigerate pasta sauce?" WikiAnswers will know. I got this. 2012 is my culinary cotillion. "...however, once opened..." Oh, okay.

Wait. Is that Ramen? A can of pineapple from...what year what year where is it? It's still okay. It's not even opened. Oh wait. It has my name written with Sharpie ink on the top. From when I had roommates sharing my cupboards. Seven years ago.

Text received: "I am relaxing/cleaning house. Have some halibut to cook. Wine. Movie at home with the furry kids." I told you, World. Fabulous people all over the map are sitting on their sofa right now. I told you.

OMG. Gross. Been seven years since I had either roommates or any remote necessity to property tag my fruit cans. How many apartments and boxes and moving vans has this little fruit can seen? I should call the Smithsonian. Which one? American History? Could call Natural History. They're probably fossilized in there. I'm a long-time member. I bet I can get a curator on the phone. Why have I never consumed this pineapple? How hard would that have been? Why have I packed it around...oh, forget it. Toss.

In fact, while I'm in here...

I like that I've spent over an hour deep purging and organizing my cupboards, freezer, fridge, secret snackety snack sugar stash, et.al. New year, new kitchen, new me.

Bag of unopened pasta from 2009? It's good, remember, it's not even opened. That makes it okay. But, I have Pretty New 2012 Pasta in Cute Containers. This time around, my pasta cooking resolution will stick. For real. Not like the disastrous Pasta Cooking Resolution of 2009. Clearly not like that. Oh fine, toss.

I was raised by hippies, not Depression Era beet farmers. What's with the nonperishable food hoarding? OMG I've become the stuff of cable tv. Toss. Toss. Toss. Tosstosstoss.

Just go outside, you're not leaving this sitting in your entryway. Frozen stuff will melt, leak everywhere. Don't want to know what no-longer-frozen fish from 2010 smells like in your carpet. Just go.

It's freezing out here. My neighbors will be all, "Who's that mysterious girl taking out three overstuffed trash bags at 9:00pm on New Year's Eve? She must be having an awesome party to generate that much waste. We've barely filled one trash bag. We're lame. She can also throw a party that fierce with no makeup in yoga pants and flip flops? She IS the fiercest. Or a lesbian. I kinda thought so."

Clankety clank clank go three Hefty bags full of evidence of Old Me Who Apparently Hoarded Food. Definitely sounded like wine bottles. Hope they heard that. People will think my party is fierce.

WOW...wow...wow...echo. My fridge is huge. And dirty.


So satisfying. I will wake up sans hangover, STD-free, with a refrigerator sparkling like...

What IS that? Ew. Bleach. Bleach. Fix it. Hurry.

Text received: "...listening to wait wait don't tell me on opb, with my christmas lights on, looking out the window. Cue sappy music. I'm sure I'll meet the love of my life from inside my house."

Requires myth-busting response typed one handed to avoid Palmolive soaked iPhone: "87% sure the men of our dreams are not at a bar tonight. Cruel irony is they're doing exactly what we are, just in their own homes." (If you would like to prove me right, and you're a tall singer/songwriter with a well-paid day job, hit up the comment section.)

That's a really strong smell. Bleach in the fridge. Was that a good idea? Google, help me. The food's fine, right? I have a box of baking powder in there somewhere. It smells like a YMCA locker room.

I never did make dinner.


Nope, not even DIY Boboli. That's frozen CPK, bitches. Deal with it.

Note to Self: Pasta tomorrow. Definitely make use of Pretty New 2012 Pasta in Cute Containers. Tomorrow.